Cheap Seats
Complete this metaphor
A fill-in-the-blank brought to you by Chicago Tribune columnist Bernie Lincicome, who decided that “Barry Switzer is to coaching what…
- “Tofu is to taste.”
- “Oliver Stone is to truth.”
- “David Letterman was to the Oscars.”
- “Dr. Seuss is to literature.”
- “A velvet Elvis is to art.”
Buffalo gal
Jane Fonda’s buffalo coat was a good-luck charm for the Atlanta Braves in the World Series, or so she decided. Now, it will bring good fortune to a charity.
The coat - made from lamb’s wool and covered with images of buffalo - will be auctioned to benefit the Georgia Campaign for Adolescent Pregnancy Prevention. The coat became famous when Fonda wore it to the National League playoffs and World Series with her husband, Braves owner Ted Turner.
Also to be included in the auction is a week’s vacation at the Turner ranch in Montana, where the couple raise buffalo.
The clothes she wore to the 1991 and 1992 World Series were donated to the homeless, no doubt, who continue to experience luck comparable to those Braves teams.
Buffalo gal II
It’s off to retirement for a 1,100-pound buffalo named Ladee, who spent nine years in the service of West Texas A&M.
“In the past she had been real gentle,” said Eric Parker of the Herdsmen spirit group. “As she got older, it became harder.”
Ladee gave one of the Herdsmen a concussion during the homecoming game last October when she stretched her neck and hit the student’s head. The buffalo was sent to a ranch near Muleshoe to be bred.
Could have been worse. Could have been sent to Ted Turner’s ranch.
And now over to my color man, Ben Wright
The foul shooting was pretty dismal when the Jazz met the Heat recently - the teams combined to make just 46 of 87 - but not as dismal as the commentary of Jazz play-by-play announcer Hot Rod Hundley, who opined that “even women could do better.”
And now back to you, Hot Rod
Danny Ainge’s name has been floated as the next coach of the Phoenix Suns once Cotton Fitzsimmons stops refueling his ego. And that’s a good thing, for it will get Ainge off TV. Here’s what he had to say about former teammate Dan Majerle the other night: “I love his intangibles and his loose balls.”
But who’s counting?
When David Shula was named coach of the Cincinnati Bengals in December 1991, he was 306 wins behind his father, Don.
When Don retired two weeks ago from the Dolphins, David was 315 behind.
The last word …
“You’re supposed to hit fly balls in this game.”
- Golfer Jeff Maggert, to one of his struggling pro-am partners, Indians outfielder Kenny Lofton
, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Photo