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Why do you think they call it dope?
Sam Young’s 15 minutes of fame are up.
Fired from his grocery-store job in Dallas for wearing a Green Bay Packers shirt before the NFC championship game, Young was arrested last week for possession of marijuana.
Among the first to call at news of his arrest was a representative of “The Late Show with David Letterman,” telling Young not to bother coming.
It’s not likely to be the only deal gone sour. He had received job offers from sports bars and was negotiating with “Hard Copy” for a paid interview.
Young said he’ll miss the attention, but said it was causing so much stress that smoking marijuana seemed the only way to relax.
That’s OK, Sam. Your grocery job is still open. Providing you can pass the drug test.
From the home office…
Speaking of Letterman, CBS’ late-night loon let the New York Mets have it once again with his list of Top 10 Reasons the Mets Will Do Better in 1996:
10. This year, the league is going to let us hit the ball off a tee.
9. We’re eliminating that pre-game happy hour.
8. No more leaving during the eighth inning to beat traffic.
7. ‘96 is a leap year, so we’ll have an extra day to practice.
6. We’re finally going to get around to finding out what this means (player gives baseball signs).
5. We’re going to give 110 percent, at least 51 percent of the time.
4. It’s a huge weight off our shoulders knowing Letterman won’t be hosting the Academy Awards.
3. No more Cartoon Channel in the dugout.
2. We just signed a chimp with a 200-mph fastball.
1. Two words: lucky cups.
The envelope, please
The NHL has passed the mid-point of its season, so Brian Hanley of the Chicago Sun-Times decided to hand out some awards. A couple of our favorites:
“The ‘Drink, No Drive’ Award: To Winnipeg’s Keith Tkachuk, he of the $17 million contract, who stiffed a brewery-backed charity drive after accepting 15 cases from the same company for a players’ party.
“The ‘We Don’t Want to See What’s in Your Crawl Space’ award: To the Blackhawks’ Bob Probert, who, when asked to do a TV interview, said: ‘Sure, but I have to get my teeth - they’re in my trunk.”’
The heat of passion
A sports center near Helsinki that tried to introduce a mixed sauna has had to wall off the sexes after some men failed to contain their ardor.
“We thought, ‘If they can be mixed in Central Europe, why not in Finland?”’ club manager KirsiMarja Mustakari said. “Unfortunately, a few men could not control themselves.”
The center put up a low wall, but men hopped over it, so a higher barrier of glass had to be built.
“If this goes on,” said Mustakari, “we may have to electrify it.”
The last word …
“That is one brave guy - proposing to Tonya Harding. That’s the first time that anyone around Tonya has gotten down on one knee and been able to get up again.”
- Jay Leno, on the recently remarried Tonya Harding
, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Photo