Cheap Seats

Why do you think they call them ‘spike heels?’

Two transvestite volleyball stars who led a team of cross-dressers to a men’s championship two weeks ago have given up hopes of making the Thai national team.

“We have to admit that we want to be beautiful, wear makeup, long hair,” Pitsanu Pleankum said. “So we know and accept that we have to think about our country’s reputation.”

Pitsanu, 32, and Danupol Changeung, 24, sparked the controversy by claiming that Thailand’s volleyball authorities had snubbed them because they wear cosmetics and women’s clothes.

“I’ve heard them gossiping on the bench about how many men they get after a competition,” an official told The Associated Press, on condition he not be identified. “If we let them join the team, what will happen to our real men players, who are still young and impressionable?”

It would be difficult for Pitsanu to assume a more masculine persona to play on the national team. A cabaret dancer in the beach resort of Phuket, he underwent a silicon breast operation four years ago.

The beach resort of what?

Little help

Pirates right fielder Orlando Merced dusted off a baseball rarity the other day: the old 9-unassisted double play.

First, he ran down a fly ball by Chicago’s Mark Grace for the second out in the first inning and saw that the runner on first, Scott Bullett, was practically in Ohio. So Merced kept running, tagged first base on his way back to the dugout.

Merced made the whole thing look so routine, Pirates coach Rich Donnelly said, “There were 20,000 people here, and 19,999 of them didn’t know what was going on - including Jeff King.” Who happened to be the first baseman.

“I was surprised King didn’t take him out with a hook slide or knock him over and steal the ball,” Donnelly said. “He kept shouting: ‘Hey, what are you doing? Where you going?’ Then he said, ‘Boy, I thought there were three outs.’ And Orlando said, ‘Well, there are now.”’

Also known as Chief Mock-a-Culture

Chief Moccanooga got the chop as the Indian mascot for the University of Tennessee at Chattanooga. Chancellor Frederick Obear said some local Indian residents and university staffers felt it was offensive - though the school will continue to use Moccasins for its nickname. The name comes from Moccasin Bend, a landmark on the Tennessee River, and from the American Indian culture of the area.

Is that a native Swoosh on those moccasins?

Just as he wore it on the field

Former NFL offensive lineman Carlton Haselrig’s legal woes continued recently when he was arrested on drunken driving charges after Johnstown, Pa., police spotted him wearing his helmet backwards on a motorcycle, an officer said.

“We’ve had problems with him the last couple days in the city,” said officer Andrew Litvin.

Haselrig was driving with a suspended license from an earlier DUI conviction and because he refused a blood-alcohol test, he will automatically lose his license for an additional year under state law.

The last word …

“It’ll be an honor to squat in his footsteps.”

- Catcher Josh Paul, No. 2 draft pick of the White Sox and a fan of former Chisox catcher Carlton Fisk

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Photo