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OK, boss

Some of Tom Lasorda’s friends have been calling interim Dodgers manager Bill Russell “Alexander Haig” for the way Russell declared he was “in charge” before Lasorda was out even of the hospital.

Chris Bosio, P.I.

While in Lancaster, Calif., last week on a rehab assignment, Mariners pitcher Chris Bosio did a promotional spot on the radio. The the local team, the Lancaster JetHawks, was upset over the theft of its mascot’s costume, so Bosio made an on-air plea for its return.

Five hours later, the mascot’s costume was found in nearby Bouquet Canyon. After a quick cleaning, the mascot, Kaboom, was back on the field in time for the game.

“I guess I do have a job after baseball - Bosio, P.I.,” Bosio said. “I’ll find missing mascots for all sports.”

See if you can find the strike zone first.

Simply Buhnerful

Oakland’s starting pitchers have devised their own method of punishing anyone in the rotation who walks more than four batters in a start. The guilty party has his head shaved.

Pitching coach Bob Cluck already had a buzzcut, saying it was more comfortable during the summer. After pitcher Doug Johns submitted to the razor following a five-walk outing, Cluck took one look and said: “That’s the way my son would look if I married a very ugly woman.”

Hill’s got skillz

Dream Teamer Grant Hill mentioned recently that he brought his bowling ball to Atlanta. Hill said he picked up the sport a couple of years ago and is pretty good.

“I got a little game,” Hill said. And that, wrote Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle, is believed to be the first use of that phrase in reference to bowling.

Lasting impressions

Kim Maher, an infielder on the U.S. Olympic softball team, reportedly has a half-dozen tattoos, including the Olympic rings on her butt, in addition to pierced nipples.

“I’m not just another girl down the block,” she said when asked about her “body art.”

She only SOUNDS like a girl down the block.

I’ll take a bottle of Soccer and a pillow

Despite huge crowds at the Olympics, soccer continues to take a beating in the American press. So when U.S. coach Bruce Arena complained about NBC not showing his team’s games, Norman Chad was ready.

“Yeah, Bruce, for the same reason NBC is no longer showing ‘J.J. Starbuck,”’ wrote Chad, in the Washington Post. “How many times do we have to go through this? If you could put soccer in a bottle, I think it would be called NyQuil.”

The last word …

“Major League Baseball and the Giants, after previewing an upcoming baseball film on which they served as advisers, cited concerns about the profanity. What, there wasn’t enough?”

- Bud Geracie, San Jose Mercury News

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Photo