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Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883

Son Needs Ownership Of Problem

John Rosemond Charlotte Observe

Question: Our 8-year-old son is reasonably intelligent and has no learning problems, but he takes forever to finish his work. An assignment that might take other children 30 minutes might take Ferdinand three hours. As a consequence of not finishing his work in class, he brings home a lot more work than his typical classmate, then he spends nearly the rest of the day laboring over it at the dining room table.

After observing him over several days, the school psychologist concluded that Ferdie’s attention span is fine. He listens in class, participates well in class discussions, and is by no means a behavior problem. The psychologist (jokingly) “diagnosed” Ferdie as a dawdler. He seems to go off into his own little world when there’s work to be done, and yet he recognizes he has a problem and tells us he wishes he could work faster. Is there something we can do at home to help him, or is this some aspect of his personality that may never change?

Answer: I flunked Fortune Telling 401 in graduate school, so I can’t tell you whether Ferdie’s dawdling is a permanent feature of his personality or not. Who knows? It may well be that Ferdie is destined to be relatively slow at just about everything he does for the rest of his life, in which case he’ll never make it as an air traffic controller or a jai alai player. Then again, he may “outgrow” the problem as time goes on.

I can’t tell you what the future holds for Ferdie, but one thing’s for certain: Nothing will be accomplished by you getting upset about Ferdie’s little quirk. In fact, the more upset you allow yourselves to become, the worse and more complicated the problem will likely get. Likewise, the more responsibility you accept for solving the problem, the less Ferdie will have to accept, and the longer it will be before he is “cured,” if ever. In that regard, you must resist the temptation to sit with or hover over him while he’s laboring over his homework, coaxing and cajoling. If the problem is ever to be solved, it’s essential that it “belong” to Ferdie.

Some suggestions:

Buy him an easy-to-use kitchen timer, preferably one that’s digital so he won’t have to contend with the constant sound of ticking.

Take an assignment and help him arrive at a reasonable estimate of how long it should take him to complete. Initially, add 10 or 15 minutes to each of his estimates.

Have him set the timer accordingly and try to complete the assignment before the buzzer goes off. If he succeeds, he earns a point. (Let him keep score on himself.)

Points can be exchanged whenever he likes for special privileges (i.e., having a friend over to spend the night) or things (i.e., a new model). Naturally, before all this begins, you must sit down with him and help him come up with a menu of incentives and assign point values to each.

This structures his “cure,” turns it into a game, and also puts the proverbial ball pretty much in Ferdie’s court. Given his age (imagination peaks around age 8 or 9) and the fact he himself has expressed frustration over the problem, I’ll just bet Ferdie will enjoy this approach and rise quickly to the challenge. He can even play the game in class (and earn more points) using the classroom clock. Oh, and don’t worry about him awarding himself points he really hasn’t earned. Regardless, his performance speed should begin to improve.

One last thing. When you think you’re beginning to see some improvement, have Ferdie start doing his homework in his own room. Homework done in a family area is likely to become a family affair (if it isn’t already), and there’s nothing that so robs a child of the truly lasting benefits of homework than parents who are benevolently involved.

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The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = John Rosemond Charlotte Observer