Rules Stymie Same-Sex Couples
What happens when an American falls in love with a non-American who is living here on a temporary visa? They want to be together but the visa is about to expire. The American can marry the non-American, right? And then that person can stay.
But what if they’re both men? Or both women? “Don’t ask, don’t tell” doesn’t do them a bit of good.
Chris met David two years ago. They were both graduate students in religion. David is from Scotland and he was spending a year in the States, studying to become a minister.
“Halfway through the first year we met and fell deeply in love,” says Chris. “It was a first relationship for both of us and we were perfect for each other. David is smart, charming and caring.”
By the end of the school year, they knew they wanted to spend the rest of their lives together. David was committed to working in a church in Glasgow, Scotland, for the next year, while Chris had more school ahead of him. So, for the next 10 months, they stayed in touch through e-mail and weekly phone calls. They managed four visits.
“All this travel was difficult on graduate students’ salaries but we were committed to the relationship and each other,” says Chris.
As his year’s stay in Glasgow was coming to an end, David made plans to return to the States. He couldn’t get a work permit, but he was able to get another temporary student visa. He is here, legally, until September. Then his visa expires.
If this were a tale about Chris and Mary or David and Susan, their problem would be simple to solve. They’d get married. Spouses of American citizens are granted residency status. But gay marriages are not legal.
“Although we’re living in a committed relationship, no government recognizes that relationship as legally valid,” says Chris. David’s future is a question mark. He’s applying for ministry positions, but will anyone hire an applicant with an uncertain immigration status? And if he does get a job, he has to apply for a special visa for religious workers and it’s not guaranteed that he would get it.
“Our optimism and pessimism come and go depending on who the latest authority is we’ve talked to and how the last job interview has gone.”
You would think that Chris and David have a really unique situation but Chris says “thousands” of transnational gay and lesbian couples face “the same challenge.” In fact, he and David went to a meeting in Chicago of couples with the same problem and there were 150 people there.
One solution for David would be to stay on illegally after his visa has expired and work for cash or not work at all. Another would be to marry an American woman. Which is also illegal.
“Several women have offered to marry David, but we’ve turned them down. Ethically, we don’t like the idea of doing something illegal. And it’s not fair to the women. Also, it would be very hard to prove to immigration officials that it was legitimate.”
“My liberal straight friends think that in this day and age, there must be a solution. They think there must be some state we could go to. But there isn’t.” Hawaii is considering a law that would allow gay marriages. Other states are considering laws to not recognize those Hawaiian marriages, should they ever occur.
“Our true obstacle is not borders or distance,” says Chris. “It’s government policy.”