My Famous Question Works

Dear Ann Landers: I’m writing concerning the 28-year-old woman from Aspen, Colo., who loved a man dearly but was having a hard time tolerating his freeloading. That letter really hit home because I have been in her shoes. It scares me to think she might marry this guy. If she hasn’t done so already, I would like to give her some food for thought:

First, being single isn’t so bad. You can be married and still be plenty lonely, especially when your partner is not there for you. I hope you will not let the fear of singlehood drive you to make the biggest mistake of your life.

Second, love can be killed. It can be chipped away, piece by piece, until nothing is left. This process can go unnoticed until everything falls apart. The easiest way to destroy love is to keep taking it and give nothing in return. If that freeloader is nice to you, it’s because it is easy and convenient for him. And look what he gets in return!

After seven years and two lovely children, I grew weary of all the empty promises and disappointments and the loneliness. Finally, I had the courage to call it quits. The singlehood I chose gave me the peace of mind I had not known for years. I am now married to a man who not only is kind but supportive, responsible and a wonderful father to my children. It scares me to think I would have missed all this had I not found the courage to leave.- Mrs. X.X. in Maryland

Dear Mrs. X.: Your letter brings to mind the wisdom of asking that well-known Ann Landers question: Are you better off with him or without him? I’m glad you apparently found the answer.

Dear Ann Landers: This is for “Potential Maniac” in Colorado Springs, the woman driven mad by barking dogs, who wanted to know if there is a place where dogs are prohibited.

Please tell her there is such a place! My husband and I just returned from a trip to the Cook Islands. Aitutaki, a small atoll, forbids dogs anywhere on the island. They have pigs in their yards, however, but they don’t bark. Good luck! - Western Washington ,

Dear W.W.: I don’t know if the Cook Islands have a Chamber of Commerce, but thank you on their behalf for a letter that could yield some travel business.

Dear Ann Landers: I had to laugh when I read in your column the suggestion to send an unsigned check to someone who never acknowledges a gift. I had heard of that gimmick and decided to send an unsigned check to a young “delinquent” friend. His response? He signed my name and collected the funds anyway! He is now off my Christmas list. - Stunned But Wiser in Farmington, Mich.

Dear Stunned: I was surprised at the number of readers who wrote to tell me the unsigned check routine doesn’t always work. They said the recipients have been able to sign and cash the checks. According to Thomas Kelley, assistant vice president at Chicago’s First National Bank, another bank cannot know if the signatures match. When the canceled checks come back, you should notify your bank the signature is someone else’s. The bank can then start an investigation for bank fraud, which is a serious offense. You might not want to do this to a friend or relative.

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