That Remedy Was Out Of Line

Dear Ann Landers: I read the letter in your column from “Contemplating Dessert Forks as Lethal Weapons.” She was highly annoyed that everyone at her table was helping themselves to her dessert.

A woman I worked with, and often lunched with, had the vile habit of sampling every dish I ordered, whether it was the salad, main course or dessert. I told her many times that I didn’t like it, and she just kept saying, “Oh, I just can’t resist,” or “Lighten up! My friends and I do this all the time.” I’m sure she thought she was being cute. I finally said it was putting a strain on our friendship, but she paid no heed.

One day, I became so infuriated that I jabbed her hand with my fork. She ran to the powder room in tears, but I didn’t follow her. When she came out 10 minutes later, I could see the back of her hand was red and swollen but the skin wasn’t broken. I didn’t realize how deep into her skin the tines of the fork had gone. She settled her bill frostily and left without me. Although our desks are within a few feet of one another, she didn’t speak to me for a week.

After a while, the ice melted, and we started going out for lunch again. I never apologized for what I did and don’t intend to. But she has never made any further moves toward my food, and when we eat with other co-workers, not only does she keep her fork to herself but all the other co-workers do, too. Evidently word got around, and they feel uncomfortable sampling other plates in my presence.

I don’t advise people to do what I did, but if anyone reading this has the same problem, they can show the column at the appropriate time and it might help. - Asking Didn’t Work, Savagery Did

Dear Asking: If you’re looking for approval of your act of “savagery,” you dialed the wrong number, lady. Jabbing your friend with a fork hard enough to produce redness and swelling was uncalled for.

She must have been pretty hard up for friendship to continue to eat lunch with you. P.S. What you did could have qualified as “assault.” People have been sued for less. Here’s another point of view:

Dear Ann Landers: Again the subject of taking a “taste” from someone else’s plate has surfaced. I clipped this poem you ran years ago (I used to be a taster). It’s time to run it again. - Delphos, Ohio

Dear Delphos: I’m glad you asked. Here it is. It came unsigned. Ode to the Eppie-Curean There’s a habit that I hate Swiping morsels off the plate By friendly folks who only want to share Their streptococci, my eclair.

“Gimme a taste, gimme a lick.”

Those gregarious people sure are quick! I’ve barely time to thank the Lord - My lunch becomes their smorgasbord.

If they’re so happy, so well-adjusted, The kind of people to be trusted, How come they always seem to feel There’s something special about my meal?

Dear Readers: Since this is my column, I get to have the last word. I would never put my fork into the plate of someone I didn’t like a lot. Maybe this is a subconscious way of testing a friendship? P.S.: I’ve never been told to order my own.

xxxx