Cheap Seats
A tree dies in Kookland
The 120-year-old pecan tree that was moved to the center of Centennial Olympic Park is now suffering from severe stress because of the relocation.
The tree was moved from a construction site two blocks away before the Games. It was named the Centennial Olympic Tree, symbolizing the first century of the modern Olympic movement.
“It is in intensive care right now,” said Dan Graveline, who authorized the tree’s move. “According to experts, it has a 50-50 chance. We paid $70,000 to move that turkey. If it dies, it’s a turkey.”
Actually, it was doing fine until Billy Payne nailed all those Coca-Cola logos to it.
A bunch of WACky guys
Was this the Western Athletic Conference basketball media day, or tryouts for “Evening at the Improv?”
The barbs flew when WAC coaches got together, starting with TCU coach Billy Tubbs. In the wake of BYU star Bryon Ruffner’s arrest for fraud and dismissal from school, Tubbs noted: “When it comes to shoplifting, we in the WAC take it to a new level. We did it big time. That’s what this league is all about.”
Utah coach Rick Majerus, who isn’t enamored with media day, opened with a salvo on the absence of UTEP coach Don Haskins, the lone coach not in attendance, but excused for medical reasons.
Majerus, who had a sevenbypass operation during the 1989-90 season, said, “I think anyone who has had heart surgery should be excused from media day.”
New Mexico coach Dave Bliss chimed in: “I’d just as soon come to media day.”
Answering the question of marketability, Majerus said, “Our problem is demographics - we have a small population base in the league with no big money. We’ve got a lot of Mormons, but they give 10 percent of their money away.”
On mocking the 16-team conference’s yearly rotating quadrants, which will make up the two divisions each season, Bliss said, “My goal is to live long enough to get to the Pacific Division.”
Eli’s coming
Peyton Manning’s older brother, Cooper, was recently mistaken by Tennessee fans for younger brother Eli.
Eli, if you don’t know, is supposed to be even better than Peyton. A high school sophomore, Eli was 19 for 23 passing for 356 yards and five touchdowns for Newman of New Orleans a couple of weeks ago.
Anyway, Cooper ran with the gag a little, signing “Eli Manning … Vol-bound” autographs. Finally, one orange-clad fan asked, “Eli, you gonna be a Vol?”
Cooper couldn’t help himself: “How much money you got?”
The fan: “I got plenty.”
At that point, dad Archie Manning intervened: “Cooper, that’s enough, you’ll get us all in trouble.”
The guy wouldn’t wet his reed
Brendan Shanahan, recently traded by the St. Louis Blues to Detroit, has claimed to be an accomplished saxophonist. An ESPN crew once brought a saxophone to a game, but Shanahan - who couldn’t really play the instrument - begged off by saying: “No sax on game days.”
The last word …
“Beating Tampa Bay is like changing underwear. It hardly requires compliments. And people will notice when you don’t.”
- Chicago Tribune columnist Bernie Lincicome
, DataTimes