There Might Be A Positive Meaning

Dear Nancy: This dream was very upsetting. Throughout our lives my stepfather has been very abusive to my sister and me, and he continues to verbally abuse my mother.

I try to maintain contact for the family’s sake, but it is difficult to be around him as he is getting worse. He is extremely secretive and I know he’s depressed. He never tells us how he feels or what he’s doing. - Mary Ann

My mother calls me on the phone. She’s very angry, then sad, then happy. She doesn’t know how she should feel. She heard her husband was going to hire a doctor to help him commit suicide.

We decide to have a family dinner the day before the suicide is scheduled in hopes that he will change his mind. We don’t want him to know that we know, so we say nothing about the suicide to him.

At the dinner, my stepfather sits down next to me. He begins to jerk and moan, like he’s having a heart attack, and then he dies. I’m thinking, “I can’t believe he would kill himself in front of the family! He took the suicide medicine so he would die right at the dinner table!”

Then I think that maybe God took him before he could do it himself.

Dear Mary Ann: Telephones in dreams usually convey very important messages. The information we receive on the phone can be spiritual guidance or a direct communication from our subconscious mind.

We can explore this dream in several ways. Taken literally, it may be warning of your stepfather’s current state of mind. You might check with other family members for information regarding his emotional state. Even though he is a very private person, gently questioning him may be helpful both to him and to you.

Freud might have looked at this dream as a “wish fulfillment.” “Wish fulfillment” dreams illustrate our repressed desires, driven from our conscious mind because they conflict with our morals and personal principles.

The dream begins with your mother not knowing whether to feel sad, angry or happy. This probably reflects the mixed emotions you would feel should your stepfather die (and possibly your mother’s, too). Don’t be too hard on yourself with this one, Mary Ann. It is not uncommon to wish an abuser harm.

We can also view this dream as if all the characters are parts of yourself. Are you abusive or unkind to yourself or others?

On the phone, you mentioned that you have recently made the decision to take better care of yourself, making time for personal pursuits instead of always being available to others. Perhaps this dream is addressing this “cruelty” to yourself that you are now ready to “kill off” or get rid of.

Death dreams are not always negative and, in fact, can be quite positive. The cycles of death and rebirth are always with us. The death of the old makes way for the new and growth is assured.

This column is intended as entertainment. But psychologists who work with clients’ dreams say that dreams can hold a tremendous amount of significance; a particularly disturbing or repetitive dream may indicate the need to see a therapist.

, DataTimes MEMO: Nancy Huseby Bloom has studied dreams for 16 years. Dreams may be sent to her c/o The Spokesman-Review, P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210-1615, or fax, (509) 459-5098. Please send a short summary of the circumstances in your life and include your name, address and phone number. Nancy conducts dream groups on a regular basis. For information, call 455-3450.