Cheap Seats
Early birdies
Because he is only No. 73 on the Senior PGA Tour money list, Harold Henning is having an off-season - and notices it in his tee times. The way it works: The poorer you play, the earlier you tee off.
“When I get to the golf courses, I can always find a parking place, the sweet rolls are fresh and the flies haven’t landed on the Danish,” Henning said. “I’m the chairman of the breakfast club.”
So if he snags the first Danish at the PGA Senior Championship, the Tradition and the U.S. Senior Open, does that get him a Grand Slam Breakfast?
It’s pronounced ‘Ben-waaa!’
Former Utah Jazz forward David Benoit thinks the NBA playoff failures of his ex-team can be traced straight to All-Star forward Karl Malone.
“When it came down to big plays and we went to him and really needed him to finish, he didn’t finish,” said Benoit, who joined the Nets this summer after five years with the Jazz.
Benoit’s stint with Utah effectively ended when he skipped an obligatory end-of-season meeting with coach Jerry Sloan and Scott Layden, director of basketball operations. He’ll miss the 1997 season because of an Achilles tendon injury.
“I didn’t mind playing with Karl and John (Stockton), but at the same time I don’t think they appreciated the things I could do offensively, like shoot the ball, take a guy one-on-one, or get post-ups. If there was anything for me to do, it was play defense. That was all that was left for the rest of us to do. They’d give me one play and if I wasn’t successful, they’d say, ‘See, I told you so.”’ Benoit said he didn’t speak out while he was with the Jazz because he wanted to be a team player.
And possibly because he’s one thing Karl Malone could certainly finish.
From the old mailbag …
Chicago Tribune columnist Bernie Lincicome is a Cheap Seats pet for reasons obvious to a trio of Chicago readers, who dropped him this recent letter: “Dear Bernie, “Your normally witty, perverse and clever style of irony and ridicule degenerates into name-calling when the subject is Dennis Rodman. We have figured out why that is. You hate Dennis Rodman because he is just like you. Dennis is weird, unpredictable, irreverent and the best dirty player in basketball. You play exactly the same role on the sports page. So you detest him because he is your spitting image.
“Signed, Tom, Janice and Gabriel Mitchell.”
Lincicome’s reply?
“Dear Tom, Janice and Gabriel, “At my wedding, I was the groom.”
What, no visitation privileges?
A deadbeat dad’s season tickets to Kansas City Chiefs games will be sold at a sheriff’s auction to help pay the $10,000 he owes for four years of child support.
The Lafayette County man was jailed briefly last month after being found in contempt of court for failing to pay child support. Past efforts to collect the debt were unsuccessful.
Seahawks season tickets, however, would be considered child abuse, not child support.
The last word …
“Mike Tyson lost a big court battle. He was ordered to pay $4.4 million to his former trainer. You know, instead of taking the $4.4 million, why doesn’t the trainer agree to fight Mike on pay-per-view? He can fall down and get $5 million like the last guy.”
- Jay Leno
, DataTimes