Here’s Where The Time Goes

Dear Readers: A member of my reading audience sent along this interesting mini-essay. I don’t know who wrote it, but I hope you will enjoy it as much as I did.

A Light Reflection on Labor Day

We know retirement is the fulfillment of all those years of labor, but it may come as a surprise to you to learn how you spent some of those years of your working life. According to a recent survey, the average person spends:

Seven years in the bathroom; six years eating; four years cleaning house; five years waiting in line; two years trying to return phone calls to people who aren’t there; three years preparing meals; one year searching for misplaced items; six months sitting at red lights and eight months opening junk mail.

By our tally, that’s close to 30 years. Do you wonder how you ever found time to work? Happy Labor Day.

Dear Ann Landers: Thank you for printing the toll-free numbers for the National Domestic Hotline in a recent column. Within days, we received over 800 calls from victims of domestic violence. They told us that they got our number from you.

Since opening on Feb. 21, 1996, we have answered more than 20,800 calls for help from residents of all 50 states, the District of Columbia, the U.S. Virgin Islands and the Commonwealth of Puerto Rico. We are grateful to you and the many organizations that have publicized the availability of the Hotline, allowing even more women to seek out and find the help they need for themselves and their children.

We also have been gratified to hear from hundreds of people who want to help in the fight to end domestic violence. We wanted you to know we appreciate your help. - The Staff of the National Domestic Violence Hotline

Dear Friends: I am glad I was helpful. Your gracious letter was intentionally put on hold for several days so it would appear on Labor Day - and for a good reason.

It is a matter of record that domestic violence increases on holidays because there is more drinking and drug abuse. When people know they don’t have to get up the next morning and go to work, the emergency rooms are busier. For those who missed it, here are the numbers again: 1-800-799-SAFE and TDD, 1-800-787-3224.

Dear Ann Landers: After spending 12 years in New York, I am returning to my husband’s native country, Italy. Among the things I will miss most is your column.

Before I leave, will you please explain why Americans yawn without covering their mouths? This has always bothered me. I’m not talking about individuals with little education. I mean people at every level, including elegant ladies who stroll down Madison Avenue in $600 suits.

Yesterday, when I was shopping for a computer on Fifth Avenue, the young salesman, who was standing no more than 2 feet from me, yawned in my face while I was asking him a question. I could not stop myself from saying, “Nice tonsils!” He immediately apologized and covered his mouth.

Will you please tell your readers that tongues, tonsils, gums, fillings and dentures are private parts and should be shown only to one’s doctor and no one else? I’m moving to Italy next week, so you can sign me - Goodbye, New York

Dear New York: I share your lack of enthusiasm for the sight of tonsils, tongues, gums, fillings and dentures. However, I could never have gotten the message across as well as you did. Mille grazie.