How Does He Find Work? He Rubs Aladdin’s Lamp

Life is full of mysteries. Consider the Bermuda Triangle, the disappearance of Jimmy Hoffa or why anyone would eat beets.

But nothing is more mysterious than the appeal of Tom Arnold. Best known as the ex-husband of Roseanne, the star of such films as “Big Bully,” “Car Pool” and “The Stupids,” still insists on giving famous ex-spouse free advice.

“If I had done one-fourth of what she’s done, I would just rest on my laurels,” Arnold told the Dallas Morning News. “What happens is sometimes people aren’t able to recognize that about themselves. The next thing has got to be bigger. Bigger.”

By the way, Arnold is working on a new sitcom. The setup: Arnold plays a Minnesotan whose wife becomes television’s No. 1 talk-show host before dumping him as both husband and producer.

Loose talk

Novelist Saul Bellow on the political and social strangeness of the Golden State (in Playboy): “California is like an artificial limb the rest of the country doesn’t really need. You can quote me.”

Maybe Drew Barrymore will flash him an early present

David Letterman turns 50 today.

She would then audition for the real ‘NYPD Blue’

Rosie O’Donnell, host of the June 1 Tony Awards broadcast, is a long-time fan of the Broadway stage. “I used to steal 20 bucks from my father’s wallet, take the train in and get standing room,” O’Donnell said Wednesday. “I saw ‘They’re Playing Our Song’ nine times; ‘Dreamgirls’ six times.”

Oprah chooses another author of the moment

If you didn’t catch Ursula Hegi’s appearance on “Oprah” this week, then you probably don’t know who talk-show host Oprah Winfrey’s next favorite writer is. She’s Sheri Reynolds, the author of “Rapture of Canaan.”

By the way, he still has a few leftover copies to sell

Bob Guccione will use any excuse possible to justify publishing photos of naked women. His latest argument: The fact that Marianne Howatson, who posed for Guccione’s Penthouse mag 25 years ago, has been named president of Playboy Enterprises. “It goes to show that a woman can take her clothes off and appear in an erotically charged atmosphere such as Penthouse and still be very professional.” Howatson also has worked as publisher of Self, Travel & Leisure, YM and Parenting magazines.

Wonder how they’re going to work that into the storyline

Attention fans of “Melrose Place”: Series star Heather Locklear is three months pregnant. Daddy-to-be is Bon Jovi’s Richie Sambora. “I’m absolutely thrilled,” said the 34-year-old actress. “So is Richie.”

Just call this ‘Inventing a Press Angle’

According to Vanity Fair writer Kevin Sessums, the scenes of “Inventing the Abbotts” co-stars Liv Tyler and Joaquin Phoenix falling in love reflects what happened in real life. “Why I was most attracted to her is her honesty,” says Phoenix. “She’s so real.”

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: 2 Photos

The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = Compiled by staff writer Dan Webster