Spouses Divide Up Bills Nowadays
It used to be so easy. Kids got married. They had nothing. They pooled whatever they earned and spent it together. No more. Now she pays for the kids’ clothes and he pays for vacations. She pays for groceries and he buys gas. And if you think that’s complicated, listen to what happens in second marriages…
Deidre: “One of my rewarding jobs as a second wife is to purchase gifts for a group of the most ungrateful, snotty kids in the world. Even after 20 years, they don’t call me Mom or Ma, just ‘her.’ Now there is a fresh group of grandchildren who are just as cold and selfish.
“The first wife got the car (for which I continued for seven years to write out the payment checks), the house, years of accumulation of pricey antiques and paintings. She loaded up five charge cards to the max, so she got a super sewing machine, a mink, all new appliances and a closet full of shoes.
“Me? Well, good thing I still had my trusty old junker, a starter sewing machine and six pairs of shoes. When they were married, my husband and his first wife went on trips, cruises, weekend getaways and fancy dinners. Now he’s too tired and we’re too broke to even go to a Holiday Inn for a night. We have a tattered sofa, end tables that are Mediterranean style, and I’m so glad that chrome and Formica are in for kitchen sets, because I have a beaut. The ultimate thing the first wife got that I never did? A baby. A simple, tiny, chubby, cuddly baby. That’s what I never got.”
Sherry: “I married for the first time while young and immature. My husband stiffed me out of a fair amount of money during our short marriage and then, after the divorce, he tried to stick me with car payments, while he kept the car. A bit older, a bit wiser and much more suspicious, I married for a second time. He was a fine fellow seven years older than me. He had never been married. He accepted all my hostility and suspicions.
“From the start, we decided to work our finances in the following manner: He had his own checking and savings accounts and so did I. We kept them and became co-signers on each other’s accounts. We also had a joint checking account for household bills. We each paid half of those bills and kept the rest of our money for ourselves. We never fought over money then and still don’t. It’s been almost 15 years since we wed and shocked all our family and friends with our weird finances.
“After we’d been married seven years, our daughter was born, and two years later, our son. I quit working full time to raise them. We both agreed they are our top priority. To help make ends meet, I baby sat 17 children in six years (not all at the same time!), took in ironing and cleaned houses. My husband took over paying all the bills. We often only had $35 to feed four people for a week. As the kids got older, I took a grocery store job, from 6 p.m. to midnight. It lasted two years. It was taking a toll on my husband’s relationship with the children. My husband put in a full day at work and had to come home and cope with the kids. I quit the job. After our son started first grade, I thought it was time to get a full-time job. My husband applauded my decision.
“I was working at a preschool, caring for other people’s children. Then my kids got sick and I was forced to choose between the job and my family. It was no contest. My husband supported the decision. Right now, I’m selling makeup products, part time, and my husband is moonlighting selling insurance. We don’t live the good life, but the life we lead is good.”
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