Cheap Seats

Whatever makes his many boats float

With a new $61 million contract, Gary Sheffield wants to build a dock the length of a football field to accommodate a fleet of water scooters and a 45-foot boat he doesn’t yet own.

But his St. Petersburg, Fla., neighbors cry foul and say the baseball star, who signed an extension with the Florida Marlins last week, has gone too far.

The dock is the latest development that has upset neighbors since Sheffield, 28, began work on his $2.8 million, 15,000-square-foot waterfront palace last year.

Neighbors say Sheffield, who has permission from the city to build the dock, has already destroyed 60 native trees.

Not to mention what he’s done to baseball salaries.

Statute of his limitations

Eric Kumerow is fed up with being called the biggest bust in Miami Dolphins’ history.

Kumerow, Miami’s first-round draft pick in 1988, spent two years with the Dolphins and two years with Chicago. He was out of football by 1993.

“I’ve got a 5-year-old son who wasn’t even born when I was playing down here,” Kumerow said. “He doesn’t need to hear negative things about his father.

I’ll take the abuse for so long, but I really think there should be like a 10-year limit on the cheap shots. And this is the last year.”

A new way to get close to MJ

Chicago Bulls star Michael Jordan has added “fashion designer” to his long list of titles, unveiling his own line of underwear from Chicago-based Sara Lee’s Hanes collection.

The packages feature the letters MJ on a red, black and white box also his NBA team’s color scheme. The underwear come in a variety of colors with Jordan’s name on the waistband and a silhouette of the star wearing a suit in place of the ‘a’ in Jordan.

The briefs and boxers are designed for men, although marketers predict women also will take to the line.

Please don’t tell us it’s because women wanna be like Mike.

The Rocket in exchange for sky diving

A Boston retailer is offering $25 gift certificates to the first 250 people in each of its three Boston area stores who turn in their Roger Clemens’ baseball cards.

Clemens, after 13 years as a Red Sox pitcher, signed a three-year contract with the Toronto Blue Jays for $24.75 million, leaving many Bosox fans seething.

Those who bring in the Clemens cards will be eligible for drawings to win sky diving lessons, rock climbing instructions and mountain bike tours.

Almost living up to his word

When Jack Kent Cooke was 53, he called the year of his death. From an interview with the Los Angeles Times in February, 1966: “I propose to live to 85. I’ve never been sick in my life.”

Cooke, who died last Sunday, would have turned 85 Oct. 25.

The last word …

“Dennis Rodman dressed more like the President than the first lady.” - Chicago Tribune columnist Sam Smith, on the Chicago Bulls’ recent White House visit.

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Photo