Hostess Can Invite Anyone She Wants

Dear Ann Landers: My “problem” may not merit space in your column, but your opinion would be greatly appreciated.

A while back, my sister’s daughter was getting married. While I was happy for my niece (I like her very much), my sister and I have had a strained relationship for years. This sister took it upon herself to plan a family reunion the same weekend as her daughter’s wedding. On my invitation, she wrote, “Be aware that your ex-husband and his new wife have been invited to both the wedding and the family reunion.” When I read that, I was stunned. I felt as if I had been slapped in the face.

My sister had every right to invite anyone she wished to the wedding, but I believe she was totally out of line to invite a sibling’s ex-spouse and his new wife to a family reunion. When a couple divorces, especially if there are no children involved, the family structure changes and the old ex is definitely considered out of the family picture.

I have remarried and have a wonderful husband. I felt the inclusion of my ex-husband was an insult to me and to my husband. My sister has always been very close to my ex-husband philosophically, politically and spiritually. They consider themselves “soul mates.” Clearly, her friendship with him took precedence over my feelings. I am deeply hurt. Am I justified in thinking that she betrayed me? - L.M., Somewhere in Florida

Dear L.M.: The Landers Law on Invitations is as follows: The host or hostess has the right to invite anyone he or she wishes to a party or family celebration. The invitee has the right to accept the invitation or decline.

I would not characterize what your sister did as an act of betrayal, but it was certainly insensitive. I hope, however, that you went to the celebration, held your head high and showed off your wonderful husband.

Dear Ann Landers: I’d like to comment on the letter from the woman who married an older man and regretted that they had had no children together.

After the death of my first wife when I was 47, I married a young woman of 27. Since I had two adult children and several grandchildren, I felt no urge to go through the complications of child rearing again. My new wife agreed.

This worked out well for eight years, until nature’s maternal instinct caught up with my wife. She intentionally got pregnant. I loved my wife very much and realized that she had a right to a normal life, so we agreed to have the baby. We were blessed with a beautiful little girl. Two years later, we had a fine baby boy. I was 60 when he was born. That was 28 years ago.

Since I was retired and able to spend all day with my young children, I felt very close to them. Now, at 88, I have spent a third of a century with my wonderful son and daughter, watching them grow up. One is a graduate of Stanford University. The other graduated from the University of Southern California.

When they come home to visit us, we have a marvelous time. I am filled with gratitude that my young wife insisted on giving me such a priceless gift. I’m sure the children have added years to my life. I’m - Blessed in California

Dear Calif.: Those May-December marriages are often very good or very bad. I’m happy that yours is in the first category. Long may you love.

xxxx