The Slice They Might Start Checking Ids

You might think that you are the only one who occasionally takes a walk on the wild side, but you’re wrong.

A lot of people give false names to restaurant counter-clerks.

Then they wait.

“Zeke, your order is ready. Zeke.”

Heh, heh, heh.

If you are bald or have a buzz cut, skip this one: If you were outdoors Sunday and the wind didn’t muss your hair, you’re using way too much mousse or spray.

Chris Mansfield writes: “Both of my next-door neighbors are named Ralph. I wonder if anyone else has two neighbors named Ralph.”

The Slice’s Earth Day ranking of the planets: For the fourth year in a row, Earth is No. 1. But Mars has moved up to No. 2.

Yes, and we have indoor plumbing: A reader in the Spokane Valley told us about how her sister-in-law in Seattle asked if Spokane has a 9-1-1 system.

Thanks for sharing stories about Inland Northwest weddings at which the best man was besotted: Our favorite might have been the one about a best man who was so wasted that, at the reception on the South Hill, he staggered around asking multiple women to marry him. “He eventually had to be escorted out of the reception by several people,” said a woman who was the bride that day.

A true Inland Northwest woman can: “Ride a Harley and put on lipstick in a curve.” - Helen Ahern

Stamp of approval: We heard about a local guy who was on the way to the shower when his wife noted some writing on his backside. “Who’s Inspector 15?” she asked.

It seems a tag from a new garment had somehow, well, you can figure it out.

Warm-up question: If adults praised teens for smoking, would the kids quit?

“Hey, Johnny, you’re really looking like a happening grown-up rebel dude with the Marlboro in your mouth, man. You seem all dangerous and sexy.”

“Uh, thanks, Mrs. Peterson.”

“No, I mean it, Johnny. That cigarette really makes a statement. It says you aren’t going to take any grief from anybody. It’s so convincing.”

“Yeah, thanks, Mrs. Peterson. Um, I’ve gotta go.”

Today’s Slice question: What does your pet collect?

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Drawing

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