Cheap Seats
He really will eat anything
Kevin Mitchell of the Cleveland Indians claims he eats Vick’s VapoRub. “My grandmother told me it was good for colds,” he said. “It sure blows out those sinuses.”
Let’s hope she never recommends Preparation H.
Let the police force be with you
Leon White, better known by his World Wrestling Federation moniker Vader, can bull his way out of a half-Nelson. But he couldn’t get out of Kuwait after he shoved a talk-show host and found himself under house arrest for nine days.
“He’s as unpopular down there as O.J. is up here,” said WWF spokeswoman Cindy Clark.
Before an appearance on “Good Morning Kuwait,” an American producer told the wrestler to “ham it up.” He was not told, however, that the host knew nothing about wrestling antics and that it’s a serious crime for a foreigner to touch a Kuwaiti.
So after being asked by host Bassam Al Othman whether pro wrestling was fake, Vader flipped a coffee table and grabbed Othman by the tie. The shocked host ran off the set and never returned.
Vader was charged with public humiliation and aggression, crimes that could result in a year in jail and fines. Following a court appearance his passport was returned, and he was allowed to leave Kuwait.
“I know from speaking to others that he’s pretty upset,” said Richard Lewis of the WWF. “Vader’s looking forward to getting back in the ring, where he feels the safest.”
Why’s that? Because everything that happens inside the ring is fake?
Who is Dan Tana?
Dodgers catcher Mike Piazza just taped an episode of Celebrity Jeopardy (airing May 2), in which he competed against the Green Bay Packers’ Reggie White and one of the “Baywatch” babes.
Piazza said White aced the Bible category, and the actress ripped through a fashion column. What was Piazza’s best topic?
Las Vegas.
“Alex Trebek goes, ‘You know a lot about Vegas,”’ Piazza said. “I said, ‘I should. I’ve lost a lot of money there.”’ He was especially good at Double-Down Jeopardy.
Never leave home without one
A plastic surgeon, that is. That’s Susan Roth’s new motto after being struck by a puck during last Sunday’s NHL playoff game at Phoenix against Anaheim.
The puck flew off the stick of Coyotes defenseman Gerald Diduck and into the stands. It caromed off Roth’s nose and bounced softly onto the arm rest between Steven Gitt and Roth’s husband Bob. Both men grabbed for the hunk of rubber, and Gitt won.
“I thought it was the greatest thing that ever happened to me,” Gitt said. “Then, I turned and saw her sitting there with blood pouring out of her nose.”
Luckily, Gitt happens to be a plastic surgeon. He took Roth to Good Samaritan Hospital and performed a couple hours of surgery.
Both were back in their seats for Game 4.
The last word …
“The way things are going up there, before too long they’ll be blaming me for the ball going through (Bill) Buckner’s legs.”
- Jets coach Bill Parcells, on his treatment in the Boston media since leaving the Patriots
, DataTimes