Don’t Offend Even One Witless Drone Future Schlock Ecotopians Moved Rapidly To Cleanse The Media Of All Incorrect Material.

LOS ANGELES, Ecotopia, 16th Year of the Goddess (2017 A.D.) - Sensitivity Police today arrested five dissidents wearing fedora hats and pretending to be a 20th century cartoon character named Mr. Magoo. Blocking the entrance to Disneyland by bumping repeatedly into the turnstiles, the protesters shouted that Magoo is a reminder the country “has lost its sense of humor.” Their hero was banned in the glorious revolution that removed the menace of freedom from our now-peaceful land.

“Who would have thought the turning point would be a noxious little cartoon figure named Magoo,” said Ima Beluga, spokesperson for the Ministry of Truth. During the 1950s and ‘60s, Magoo starred in a series of regrettably popular cartoons, as a nearsighted white male who bumped into fireplugs and other objects and spoke to them in the mistaken belief that they were persons. In the days before humor was regulated by the government, this was considered amusing.

In a pioneering move that preceded formation of the Ministry of Truth by three years, the Disney Corp. eradicated Magoo from all entertainment programming in 1997, after the National Federation for the Blind pronounced Magoo offensive to the Visually Disadvantaged.

Within months, Hollywood studios purged their archives of numerous other cartoon characters, beginning with the Road Runner and Wily Coyote, who were deemed offensive to People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals.

Galvanized by the discovery they have a Civil Right Not To Be Offended, Ecotopians moved rapidly to cleanse the media of all Incorrect material. Many TV stations began broadcasting continuous wildlife documentaries. In 1998, the Marketing Division of the Disney-Turner-Murdoch conglomerate fired all of the nation’s remaining investigative reporters, replacing them with perky young females from schools of TV journalism, who prepared prize-winning features on Correct subjects that annoyed absolutely no one. Soon, the public quit watching and reading. Few minded when the First Amendment was repealed.

Today, Beluga said, the residents of Ecotopia may take their Prozac in peace for there is nothing, absolutely nothing, to offend them. The protesters have been sent away for reprogramming at the Center for Cultural Sensitivity at Berkeley.

, DataTimes MEMO: See opposing view under the headline: Too-real problem just not laughable

The following fields overflowed: SUPCAT = EDITORIAL, COLUMN - From both sides CREDIT = John Webster/For the editorial board