Everyone Has Advice About Love
When it comes to relationships, everyone has some advice to pass along.
Marti - “Despite what people say, sometimes love hurts and only you can tell when enough is enough. Don’t let others pressure you into a decision you’ll regret.”
Bambi - “I’m marrying a bigtime control freak. I can handle that, because I just let him control the things I don’t want to. But he’s also a bigtime mamma’s boy and that is not something I handle well. His mother is a great person, and she has helped us a lot. I just want him to know that all the things she does for him, I am able to do for him. A friend of mine has the same problem and here’s the advice she gave me: Don’t expect your partner to adjust to your lifestyle quickly or learn your way of doing things quickly, either. Don’t continue to correct your partner if they are not doing something exactly as you said, especially when it comes to something as minor as folding the towels. Don’t force an animal you’ve had all your life on your partner. If you don’t understand what your partner wants from you, ask. If you’re afraid to ask, how much further can the relationship develop? If you’ve lied, exaggerated or fibbed, own up to it now, because if your partner finds out later, it may be too late. Speak up for yourself. Don’t allow the relationship to become ‘whatever you want, honey.”’
Brad - “I’m a 36-year-old gay man and have been in an 11-year monogamous relationship. Our friends, straight and gay, tell us we’re the most ‘married’ couple they know. Here’s the advice I always give: Once you make a commitment to someone, there is no longer a ‘mine.’ There is only ‘ours.’ ‘Our’ money, ‘our’ house, ‘our’ relationship, ‘our’ responsibility. Everything is 50-50. Treat your partner as if every day together is your last. We never know how much time any of us has left. When your partner asks you to get some more Diet Coke, don’t tell him to get it himself. Too many of our friends have died of AIDS. Their surviving partners would give anything to have one more chance to do something nice for their lost loved ones. And tell your partner you love him every day! Ten times a day! A hundred times a day! Everyone loves to hear that. Call him at work and tell him.”
Martha - “I’m 48 years old, happily married and a pastor. I have lots of opportunities to give advice to younger people about relationships. What I tell them is that what is said between the lines is often more important than what is said openly. For instance, when you’ve been in a monogamous relationship and the other person says they want to date others, they’re really trying to let you down gently. They have met another person they like better and intend to pursue them. The only thing you can do in a situation like that is bow out gracefully.”
Samantha - “I don’t care if it’s a cliche, the best advice I ever got about relationships and the advice I give to my friends when they start psychoanalyzing a situation to death - Why did he do this? Why didn’t he do that? I wonder what this means? - is that people vote with their feet. In other words, if he wants to be with you, he will be, if he doesn’t, he won’t.”
Alice - “I recently lost my husband after almost 30 years of marriage. It wasn’t perfect all the time. In fact, there were many times I felt like throwing in the towel. But then I would think about my parents’ divorce and what that did to me, and tell myself if I loved this guy enough to marry him, I loved him enough to stay and work things out. It’s easy to run when things don’t go your way, but it’s wonderful to see something through. Forget the foolish things the world tells you: You have your rights; you deserve this or that. They’re lies. Like the song says, ‘I Never Promised You a Rose Garden.’ I may not be the brain I wish I was, but I have learned that commitment means something. You are born, you live and you will die. But what you do while you’re here shows character. Anybody can run.”