This One Little Word Simplify You Life

Sun., Aug. 17, 1997

By Rebecca Nappi rebeccan@spokesman.com (509) 459-5496

Has your summer been quiet in terms of requests for your time and services at work/home/school/church? Beware, Labor Day approaches. Seems like so much gets put on hold through the summer and, once it’s over, the phone begins ringing.

We asked readers recently to share their fail-safe methods of saying no to requests they could meet but do not want to. Mamie Scott of Spokane sent this one: “Thanks, anyway, but I’ll pass.”

A few years ago, some time-management expert advised women to never give an excuse when they say no. If you do, the person who wants something from you will try to solve the problem inherent in the excuse.

Example: “I’d love to come to your home-appliance party, but I don’t have child-care that day.” Hostess might say: “Oh my teen would love to watch your Ashley!”

Another tip we heard once, but have never been able to actually say is this: “I’m unwilling to do that.” It works because it’s very hard to argue with someone’s will. But it sounds so cold, even in a nice voice. Any other just-say-no suggestions? Send them our way.

Mark the date: Aug. 26 is Women’s Equality Day. It commemorates women winning the vote in 1920. The National Women’s History Project offers these suggested ways to celebrate: Mount a photo or a poster depicting women’s contributions to American life; show a video or invite a speaker for your group’s August meeting or program; honor outstanding women in your workplace or community. Need more ideas? Call the women’s history project office at (707) 838-6000.

Just in time for school: Women’s equality still needs some improvement on college campuses, according to information gathered by the University of Hawaii’s Office for Women’s Research. Seems that women assistant professors hold non-tenure track positions twice as frequently as men and are promoted at half the rate. And about 4 percent of women faculty earn $70,000 or more compared to 17 percent of the men.

Higher, Daddy!: The Wilson Quarterly recently published an interesting article on play - one of the most important functions a father performs. Fathers play with their children in a different manner than mothers. And what children learn from “father play” teaches some important lessons.

Author David Popenoe writes: “At play, fathers tend to stress competition, challenge, initiative, risk-taking and independence. Mothers, as caretakers, stress emotional security and personal safety. On the playground, fathers will try to get the child to swing ever higher, higher, higher … while mothers will be cautious, worrying about an accident. It’s sometimes said that fathers express more concern for the child’s longer-term development, while mothers focus on immediate well-being. What is clear is that children have dual needs that must be met.”

, DataTimes MEMO: Common Ground is written on alternating weeks by Rebecca Nappi and Dan Webster. Write to them in care of The Spokesman-Review, Features Department, P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210-1615. Or fax, (509) 459-5098.

Common Ground is written on alternating weeks by Rebecca Nappi and Dan Webster. Write to them in care of The Spokesman-Review, Features Department, P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210-1615. Or fax, (509) 459-5098.

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