Cheap Seats
A point-blank check statement
Kevin McHale, general manager of the Minnesota Timberwolves, on speculation that Kevin Garnett’s contract will drain the team’s resources when it comes to signing Stephon Marbury and Tom Gugliotta:
“Did anyone notice how high our owner (Glen Taylor) is on the Forbes 400 list?”
He’s 148th, and that’s not too shabby.
Taking the fight out of them
Former world boxing champ Tony Lopez is house security, hired muscle, at a gentlemen’s club - that is to say, a place where men pay to watch women take off their clothes and dance. He’s working not for pride or pity but because he loves it. He goes about his tasks with unapologetic enthusiasm, making sure the customers keep their drinks full and their hands to themselves.
Next to boxing, there’s nothing he would rather do. He was trained to fight but born to bounce.
The work has its hazards. At 150 pounds, Lopez, 34, is the smallest bouncer in the Rancho Cordova, Calif., where he works. He bobs and weaves around padded chairs and cocktail tables, looking not especially menacing to troublemakers not familiar with his ring record, 47-7-1, including International Boxing Federation and World Boxing Association titles.
His fellow bouncers look nothing like welterweights. They look like bouncers, walk-ons from central casting, towering above 6 feet, bellies spilling over their belts, meaty arms hanging at ease as they scan the audience.
So Lopez becomes a flag of convenience for customers looking to mix it up. He’s quick to the problem, still a lightweight at heart. Thus he sports a black eye - but you should see the other guy.
He reports: “I’m 7-0 in here this year, with four knockouts. Never been beat.”
Leaving us in stitches
Denver Broncos guard and former University of Idaho player Mark Schlereth underwent surgery last month on a herniated disk in his back - his 20th operation since December 1983.
Schlereth injured his back against Kansas City but continued playing, even though he was unable to feel his left foot.
He has had 11 surgeries on his left knee, five on his right knee, one on his right elbow, one on his left elbow. One for kidney stones and now his back.
“Am I happy about this?” Schlereth said. “No. Am I upset? Yeah. This definitely stinks. But on the bright side, my knees haven’t felt better in six years, so what are you going to do?”
His logic doesn’t have a leg to stand on.
Check the insurance policy
Track & Field News reports that Balazs Kiss, the former USC hammer thrower, was a one-man wrecking crew at the Budapest International meet July 26:
“Kiss’ winning toss carried all the devastating force of a Led Zeppelin hotel stay.
“His first throw barely avoided destroying a lawn mower; his third smashed the awards podium. Other Kiss throws broke a flagpole flying the Spanish flag and tore a hole through the Jamaican banner.”
Just think if he had lost.
The last word …
“If he was better looking, we’d worry about protecting him.”
- Pittsburgh Penguins coach Kevin Constantine, on whether injured defenseman Darius Kasparaitis needed a face shield.
, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Photo