Messy Rooms? It’s Time For Neatness Training
Q. We have two children, a son, 13, and a daughter, 11. They get As and Bs in school, do their homework and help with chores. The problem is their rooms are a mess. When they were younger, I kept their rooms picked up, but since I’ve been working full time I gave up and told them they could be in charge of their own rooms. I’m now having second thoughts. When I venture into their rooms these days, I often find wet towels on the bed and clean laundry on the floor. My current plan isn’t working. What advice do you have? At what age do you think kids should be in charge of their rooms?
A. The solution is to invest some time and effort in teaching them to organize their rooms. Habits of cleanliness do not develop automatically with age. Kids need neatness training.
Tell them they can be in charge when they demonstrate the ability to maintain reasonably clean rooms for a specified number of weeks.
Make a rule that they have to clean their rooms on Saturday before they’re free for the day’s fun.
A few kids are born with a clean gene, but most require lessons. Show them how to fold sweaters, hang pants, organize drawers. Provide special files for homework. Each Saturday, check on the finished product. Give praise and permission to play for their achievements.
They may grumble at your guidelines, but kids tend to adopt the habits of their childhoods. Being able to organize belongings and storage space is a valued skill they can use for years to come.
Q. My husband and I want to adopt a child. We are thinking about a baby who has had a rough start, such as parents on drugs or alcohol. We think these children need to be given a chance to have a loving family and healthy childhood. We decided to search for more information about what we can expect as parents. Will our child adjust to a normal family life, get along in school, and go on to be a productive adult? Are the problems caused by these early childhood experiences ones that will plague him or her throughout life? What advice do you have?
A. You’re right that these kids deserve a chance to have a caring family life, and you’re wise to gather information before you make your choice.
Thousands of kids each year are damaged from the prenatal effects of parents’ excessive use of alcohol or drugs. These toxins can interfere with the normal development of the delicate fetal brain cells and neural networks, causing permanent disabilities and personality disorders.
Whether kids will have ongoing problems or developmental troubles depends on the degree of substance abuse and the nature and extent of any damage done.
Gather family and physical details about your prospective adoptee.
Many couples who have adopted at-risk kids are glad they did. A recent study of parent satisfaction by the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute of New York, reports that 84 percent of parents who adopt drug-exposed kids were “very satisfied” and 12 percent were “satisfied.” These results are similar to satisfaction among parents who adopt non-drug exposed children.
At a recent national conference on adoption of children whose parents were substance abusers, Dr. Richard Barth, director of the Child Welfare Research Institute in Berkeley, Calif., stated, “Adoption offers a chance for a normal life for these youngsters, as long as parents are prepared to meet their special needs.”
The director of the Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services, Peter Digre, stated recently he hopes to find 3,000 adoptive parents in 1998. His department invites interested parents to call the adoption hotline, (800) 735-4984.
Digre’s department is particularly interested in finding parents interested in adopting older children. One advantage of adopting an older child is having a more complete picture of their physical and psychological health.
The Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute also invites interested families to call (212) 360-0280.
The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = Cathleen Brown The Spokesman-Review