Cheap Seats
Old folks home
Tom Powers in the St. Paul Pioneer Press, discussing the Minnesota Twins’ recent penchant for signing veteran players:
“The local ballclub is taking quite a ribbing for signing several players who have been around so long that they once were spokesmen for Chesterfield cigarettes.
“Joining Paul Molitor, 41, as Twin signees so far this winter are Otis Nixon, who once roomed with Cool Papa Bell, and Mike Morgan, one of the guys who pitched when there weren’t two days of rain after Spahn and Sain.”
Soccer hell
U.S. national team players Alexi Lalas and Mike Burns are spending part of Major League Soccer’s offseason playing for Emelec in Guayaquil, Ecuador.
The New England Revolution duo soon learned that soccer is taken more seriously in the equatorial port city than in Boston. Perhaps too seriously.
To prepare for the playoff round, the entire Emelec team was confined to the club’s stadium. Players were not allowed to leave for any reason. The confinement, or concentracion, as it is called, is intended to focus the players’ attention.
It lasted 10 days. Not hours, days.
“I came down here to improve my game, which I’ve done, but also to play somewhere where the culture and mentality are different,” Lalas told Soccer America magazine. “But I’ve never seen anything like this, not when I played in Italy and certainly not in the States.
“It’s ridiculous, but I’m just a gringo. It’s not my place to say if it’s wrong or right. It’s just a different way of doing things.”
So, how’s the water?
Adding to Lalas’ tropical depression, his arrival in Ecuador was greeted not long thereafter by an attack of - not to put too fine a point on it - stomach trouble.
“It was the worst I’ve ever had,” he told Soccer America. “It was like my entire body said, ‘OK, there’s something really bad inside, and we have to get it out.’ And it was on the radio that afternoon and in the newspapers.”
Fortune hunters
Bad as the Bears’ season was, defensive lineman Jim Flanigan at least ended the year on a positive note. He won $22,000 on a special edition of “Wheel of Fortune” that is scheduled to be shown during Super Bowl Week.
For those who care, Flanigan was on the program with Herschel Walker and Daryl Johnston of the Dallas Cowboys, and teammate Chris Zorich.
Too bad that foursome wasn’t allowed to buy W’s.
Who’s playing whom?
Tim Keown in the San Francisco Chronicle: “One problem with hockey: You have to be incredibly hard-core - as well as a subscriber to numerous sportswear catalogs - to distinguish one black uniform from the other.”
The last word …
“Aiming to find a new coach with similar personality and verve, (Nebraska) officials announce they will replace Tom Osborne with a cardboard cutout of Tom Osborne.”
- Miami Herald columnist Greg Cote
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