Minding Everybody’s Business

One of the fringe benefits of being anthropomorphic is the ability to communicate and use big words like anthropomorphic. But as some wise sage once observed, having an ability and being able to use it effectively are two different things.

Q. Any tips on improving interpersonal communications? I’m pretty good with words, but all too often my employees seem to hear things I haven’t said, or to get the wrong meaning entirely. Should I stick to memos, e-mail and Post It Notes so that no one will miss my meaning?

A. Absolutely not. Personal communication through the spoken word is still the best way to provide direction, teach, motivate, offer praise, make suggestions, assist understanding and resolve conflict.

But effective communication does not happen without effort and attention. As a consequence, many - maybe most - transmissions aren’t heard and understood the way they were spoken.

There are five elements to the process: the sender, the receiver, the message, the medium, and internal and external static. A glitch in any of these areas can distort the message and deform its meaning.

Even when two well-meaning people make a careful effort to exchange clear concepts, the words used and the static generated can get in the way. This is understandable. Even a sincere listener has more than one thing on his mind when communication starts and, unless they are unusually good at compartmentalizing their thoughts and putting their mental mainframe on hold, the new message will be just one of many vying for attention.

Also, everyone has hot buttons, experiences, emotional baggage, biases, or beliefs that cause them to tune out or twist the messages they receive, despite their good intentions. Fatigue or boredom can get in the way too.

Remember, listeners can process words at least twice as fast as a sender can produce them, so there’s always time for a listener to try to do two things at once. As a consequence, a message has to struggle for attention and accurate comprehension.

Then there are external distractions like noise, an uncomfortable environment, time pressures, interruptions, and the discoursive techniques and physical mannerisms of the sender. The latter is particularly important since researchers tell us that up to 65 percent of the meaning of a message comes from the sender’s body language.

Here are a few “Brass Tacks Tips” for improving communication:

Prepare. Think about what you want to say and who you are going to say it to. Structure your message in a logical order and make it as brief as possible. Don’t provide so much content that the listener will have to search for meaning.

Connect with the listener. Make sure you get his full attention and establish some initial rapport and a welcome connection. Set the stage by providing the “big picture” up front, but avoid long-winded introductions and unnecessary preliminaries.

Get to the point quickly. Use short units of information. Try this experiment and you’ll get the point: Recite four numbers and ask a listener to repeat them. No problem. Now off-load twenty more numbers in rapid succession. The listener will soon obviously tune out.

Now ask the listener to repeat the first four numbers because they are the only important ones. In most instances even an intent listener will be unable to recite the four digits you really wanted to convey. So, never try to make more than three or four points at one time.

Choose your words carefully. The average person has a ready vocabulary or about 500 words for which the dictionary provides about 25,000 different meanings. If you are going to get technical, make sure both you and the listener know the meaning of the words you’ll use.

Remember John F. Kennedy’s gaffe while trying to impress the German public with his proclamation “Ich bin ein Berliner.” (Literally translated: “I am a donut.”)

Use analogies and metaphors to help understanding. After you’ve sent your message, ask the sender to play it back. You’ll often be surprised what he thought you said. Don’t try to identify who flubbed the communication, just make sure you keep sending improved messages until the intended meaning is received.

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