Cheap Seats

Mustn’t see TV

Blackhawks coach Craig Hartsburg has taken away television privileges from his team at the United Center. He disconnected the cable on the 48-inch TV in the area where players ride exercise bikes.

“It (still) works, but we only get three stations,” winger Tony Amonte said.

If he really wanted to punish them, he’d pipe those three stations in from Spokane.

You’ve been acting psychotically lately

Bill Murray may not have been the star attraction at golf’s annual gawkfest at Pebble Beach last weekend - what with Tiger Woods and Kevin Costner paired together. But Carl Spackler’s alter ego had his moments.

“So Bill, what’s the deal?” shouted one heckler from the gallery. “The tour won’t let you play with Tiger?”

“He’s underage,” the comedian quipped.

Later, leading fans into the woods where his ball had sliced left into the rough, he cocked his head in mock seriousness: “It’s not just a game, it’s a nature trip, isn’t it. That reminds me, what do you call a male mushroom with a good body? A fungi to be with.”

Then he whacked the ball straight into a tree. “Shouldn’t have made that joke,” he said.

Not all the moments were light, however.

At the end of the pre-tourney Celebrity Challenge, a man thrust an 8x10 color glossy picture at Murray.

“Bill! Bill! I’m your biggest fan! I love all your movies! Could you sign this for me?”

“That kind of talk turns me off,” Murray said as he signed for kids. The adult autograph-seeker turned on him. The two exchanged words, and Murray told the man to get away or he’d call the police.

“What for?” the man asked.

“To get you blood-tested.”

“Smart and funny gets them every time, huh, Bill?” the man shouted after him. “What a jerk.”

“I could tell you were a loyal fan from the start,” Murray replied.

Clive’s rush

When Clive Rush was introduced as the New England Patriots’ new coach in 1969, he stepped to the podium, grabbed the microphone and let out a piercing scream. He was getting an electric shock from a faulty mike.

When Rush was revived, he reportedly said, “I knew the Boston media was tough, but this is ridiculous.”

His wardrobe’s a little like his offense

Since adding the coaching duties to his job as Spurs general manager, Gregg Popovich has been forced to piece together 10 different starting lineups. It’s only fitting he takes the same approach with his wardrobe.

Popovich worked out before a recent game and when he got back to his locker, he realized he hadn’t brought any clothes for the game.

So he borrowed underwear and pants from assistant coach Hank Egan and a tie from Paul Pressey. Scout R.C. Buford came through with some shoes. Popovich then rushed out and bought a blue blazer.

“It only happens once every four games,” Popovich said. “I get everything else organized, but you can’t expect me to get the small stuff. I am brushing my teeth, though.”

The last word …

“They had a buy-one-get-one-free deal. I took both of them at the same time.”

- Alexander Mogilny of the Canucks, on a haircut that left him looking like a shorn broom.

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Photo