Redefining Time Those In Transition Have Opportunity To Recast Their Self-View - And Put Purpose Back Into Life

During a recent seminar for maturing women, the subject turned to today’s demands on women, how our lives are filled with tending, mending, soothing, cooking, cleaning and schlepping.

There are not enough hours in the day to do all that we feel we should do, I told the participants.

“But what if you have too much time?” one asked.

The question left me open-mouthed and speechless. Too much time? Could there be such a thing? Could anyone actually find 24 hours in a day to be 12 too many?

Most of my friends and contemporaries are finding just the opposite. Lack of time seems to be the problem. Responsibilities to family, job and church leave little time for hobbies or for tending to yourself. Of course, most of my peers are in their 40s, still hard at careers, and with children in the house or on the verge of leaving.

I found myself asking the woman with too much time a few questions of my own: Was she healthy? Was she married? Did she live near family? Did she work outside the home? How old was she?

All those factors have an impact on how we view time and how we use it.

If you’re sick, time can seem to move slowly. If you live alone (my questioner was a widow), time can seem an enemy. If you don’t have the regimen of a job and its eight-hour commitment, time can indeed weigh heavily on you.

The woman had an air of sadness in her question. What was she supposed to do with all this time?

What she actually was asking was: What am I supposed to do with myself? Or even more directly: Who am I?

If you know who you are, you’ll know how to spend your time. How do you determine that?

Men usually define themselves by what they do for a living. A man will tell you he’s a lawyer or an accountant. Women often let themselves be defined by other people or institutions. Often we are defined by the people in our lives. You start out as someone’s daughter, often become someone’s wife and someone’s mother. Oh, and by the way, I’m a nurse or a teacher or a financial analyst.

Those definitions usually define how we spend our time. Hence, my list of soothing, calming, mending, cooking, driving, tending. …

But what if those definitions are gone? What if you’re single or your children are grown and gone. Who are you then?

The answer to me is clear, although it can be frightening: You are free to define yourself. You don’t have to hold on to old definitions and their limitations.

Change can be scary. But which is better - holding on to old ways that no longer fit, or rewriting the rule book to fit your current situation?

With your new definition, your time again can be productive. Even illness doesn’t have to stop you from making good use of it.

You might have the freedom to call yourself a lady of leisure and fill your days with hobbies, travel, reading. You might decide you’re a volunteer. Find an area of interest, and you’ll find ways of being useful.

Then time will not be your enemy or something to fill. It will be a precious commodity that you use wisely.