Cheap Seats
Santa, you stink
Chicago Bulls players had a $100 limit Christmas gift exchange. Michael Jordan drew Jason Caffey’s name and bought him a portable disc player because Caffey was always borrowing his.
Said Caffey: “I was hoping for a Range Rover.”
It beat what the rest of his teammates got from Jordan: sample bottles of his new cologne.
Where’s the beef?
An anti-cholesterol crusader’s campaign to stop Tiger Woods from endorsing McDonald’s could be all sizzle and no gristle.
Phil Sokolof of Omaha, Neb., who has spent millions of dollars to urge Americans to stay away from cholesterol-laden and fatty food, took out ads this week in newspapers in Las Vegas and Denver.
“Tiger Woods, say it isn’t so!” the ads said. “The word is out - you’re going to start promoting McDonald’s fat food. As a role model for millions of Americans, don’t encourage your generation and mine to eat fatty, artery-clogging fast food. Please don’t!”
But Woods, at the La Costa Resort and Spa for the Mercedes Championships, denied he would sign an endorsement deal with McDonald’s.
“My sponsor won’t let me do that,” Woods said. “I’m with the All-Star Cafe.”
Woods spokeswoman Bev Norwood said, “Despite widespread speculation, there have not even been any substantive discussions between McDonald’s and us.”
Woods has made no secret of his love for fast food, particularly from McDonald’s and Taco Bell. “I don’t know where to stay, what restaurants to eat at, so I’m going to have to stick with McDonald’s, something greasy,” Woods said in August at the Greater Milwaukee Open.
Yep. That’s an endorsement.
It’s pronounced ‘Go-low-ta’
Weeks after losing a second fight to Riddick Bowe on a disqualification, heavyweight boxer Andrew Golota - nicknamed “Sweet Chariot” because he’s always swingin’ low - has been given a two-year suspended sentence and fined $7,000 for assault in a 1990 disco brawl in his native Poland.
Prosecutors say that Golota, then 22, beat a young man who had torn the boxer’s jacket. Golota also allegedly pointed a gas pistol at the man and took his shoes and jeans.
See, he was going below the belt even then.
You can’t go home again
Jon Miller has left Baltimore to become the new play-by-play voice for the San Francisco Giants, and it’s a homecoming. He grew up in Hayward, Calif., broadcasting the team’s game in his bedroom, and says, “It’s the same thing, except I won’t have to make all the crowd noise.”
Counters San Jose Mercury News columnist Bud Geracie, “Oh yes he will.”
Which would make ‘you’ his middle initial
Center Keith Primeau has become a fan favorite in Hartford, where Whalers fans regularly chant his name. Asked if Detroit fans ever chanted his name when he played for the Red Wings, Primeau said, “Not all by itself.”
The last word …
“Just once I’d like to read that a Cowboy went out with a woman who wasn’t an exotic dancer. Get this team to Love Connection.”
- Mark Whicker, Orange County Register
, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Photo