Sir Charles Disgusted

Kids these days. Charles Barkley sat back like a grandfather on the porch and shook his head.

“We didn’t have cell phones and beepers back in my day,” he said. “We didn’t have no posses and no entourages. The team should be your entourage.”

The questions were about these too young, trash-talking, no-respect, high-falutin’ NBA kids in general. But, as always this season, the questions are about Allen Iverson in particular.

Every day is a test for Iverson, and every test usually ends in a lecture. His clothes, his friends, his game. Everything. Last month it was Dennis Rodman lecturing Iverson about not respecting the NBA game.

That’s what Iverson needs. The cross-dribbler needs to learn the secrets of basketball from the cross-dresser. The only secret Dennis Rodman can impart is Victoria’s. But that’s what Rodman felt compelled to do.

Kids these days.

Barkley came into town Friday night and played the role of elder statesman. You go a couple of years without spitting on anybody and you get to be an elder statesman. You can sit on the porch and cluck your tongue at the young ‘uns.

“They run like deer, they jump like deer and they think like deer,” Barkley said. “They’re spoiled. Teams in the NBA feel they have to kiss young players’ butts or they lose them in a couple of years. Instead, they should be teaching them to play basketball.”

Friday was a good day for a lecture. Iverson and Jerry Stackhouse were in the news - New York Post, scurrilous rumor division - and it didn’t much matter that the news apparently wasn’t accurate.

It was reported that some friends of Iverson and some friends of Stackhouse exchanged heated words and maybe more at the Sixers’ practice facility recently. Both players and team president Pat Croce said it never happened.

“Oh, we’ve got posses all right, but that story was totally false,” Croce said.

Accuracy was beside the point because it’s more fun to believe the story than the denials. And it’s easy to believe that Iverson particularly could choose friends who would provide more turnovers than assists.

So, add another lecture to the fire and turn up the heat another degree on the kid.

“You shouldn’t be traveling with a posse or an entourage. That’s bull,” Barkley said. “You can’t mature with your friends around you. You have to grow and mature on your own.

“I can understand why players think the way they do. They get called superstars after only a month or two in the league. They get 50 or 60 million dollars and a shoe named after them. I’m sure it affects them. But just because you make a lot of money doesn’t mean you’re worth it. It means you were born at the right time.”

Barkley wasn’t born at such a bad time, of course, and players who came before him who would agree.

He’ll be 34 next month, but it wasn’t that long ago Barkley was one of these kids. He came along with all his talk, and veterans like Julius Erving used to roll their eyes and then look the other way.

Barkley is the best rebounding forward in the history of the game, certainly the best 6-foot-4-1/2 rebounder ever. There are few players good enough to be the bestever at anything, but the game still hasn’t worked out perfectly for Barkley.

The Sixers fell apart around him until he torpedoed the organization and forced a trade. Then it was Phoenix - how could that miss?

Well, it missed. Barkley stuck it out until the team fell apart and he torpedoed “that” organization and forced a trade.

Now Houston. How can this miss?

History suggests we’ll find out.

“Seattle, Utah and Chicago and us are the only teams that can win the championship,” Barkley said. “The rest of ‘em are just running around wasting time.”

The Sixers are just running around this season, as they enter their second decade of just running around.

According to the billboards, it isn’t just a game this time, it’s a revolution. So far, the revolution has dribbled to the castle walls only to throw the ball into the moat. “Air castle, air castle.”

The Sixers promised Iverson and Stackhouse would play the backcourt the way it’s never been played before, and right now you’ve got to agree.

But kids require patience. The question isn’t whether the Sixers stink on ice this season. The question (aside from what Derrick Coleman’s weight will be when he returns) is whether all this running around is a waste of time for the future.

“I want them to have a good team here. I don’t want to be watching a crappy team when I retire,” Barkley said.

Maybe he should hang on for a few more years. Maybe a few more lectures would help.

Kids these days.