The Slice Coming Soon: No-Pants Fest

People around here love to speculate about why Spokane supports Bloomsday and Hoopfest in such staggering numbers.

We’re no exception. Here’s our 1997 theory: People here really, really enjoy not wearing long pants.

Slice answers: Dorothy Waite said “Waitefest” would be a function with long lines.

Shirley Ham said the theme of “Hamfest” should be obvious.

Teresa Keene wrote that “Keenefest” would start this way. “All the male Keenes would force their families into sedans on stiflingly hot days for 12-hour drives, during which no one ever gets out of the car to do anything except use a rest stop.”

Esther Webb said “Webbfest” would be a Halloween costume party featuring cartoon watching.

Ruth Paap suggested that “Paapfest” might have a gynecological theme.

And a Spokane reader whose last name is Lynch said he didn’t really want to think about the Old West-inspired possibilities.

Power of suggestion: Allan Foster had been in the Sci-Fi section of the South Hill public library before heading over to a checkout desk and encountering a librarian whose eyes appeared to be blue glowing orbs.

After a moment, he realized it was just the way the room’s lights were reflecting off the coating on her glasses. “But I’m pretty sure my jaw dropped for a second there,” he said.

Just wondering:

1. Who around here has adjusted the most carburetors?

2. Who has driven the most miles behind the wheel of a taxi cab?

3. Who has installed the most square feet of flooring?

4. Who has sold the most shoes?

5. Who has sold the most perfume?

This one couldn’t be attributed to the Ice Storm baby boom: A friend was in a grocery store with his little boy when he noticed a young woman reading a box containing a home pregnancy-test kit. Next to her was a man who was, as our friend put it, “Doing his best to look like he didn’t know her.”

That guy was holding a container of antacid.

Later, in the checkout line, that same woman looked at our friend’s son and said “He’s s-o-o-o-o-o cute.”

Our friend smiled. “I just wanted to pat her on the arm and say ‘And good luck to you.’ “

Today’s Slice question: What did strangers say to you as you were buying a home pregnancy-test kit?

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Drawing

MEMO: The Slice appears Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; fax (509) 459-5098. Dorothy Cox of Greenacres wanted us to remind everyone to make sure their pets have plenty of water, especially on hot days.