This Time Writer Kitty Gets Catty About Royals

Spokane’s own Kitty Kelley has upset another one of her celebrity bio subjects. Actually, it may end up royally miffing most of them.

But so far, only the Duchess of York has gone public with her complaints about Kelley’s forthcoming “The Royals.”

“I’ve never been in a drug rehab center,” Sarah Ferguson said through a spokesperson. “The closest I’ve ever gotten is helping raise money for drug treatment. I’ll sue anybody who claims that I have.”

Kelley’s book, which is due Sept. 23, is reportedly the study of a “dysfunctional family played out on a huge scale.” The author of books on Jacqueline Onassis Kennedy and Frank Sinatra among others alleges that the duchess received treatment for cocaine addiction.

Ferguson has admitted abusing diet pills.

Loose talk

Steve Allen on the decline of television (in The Hollywood Reporter): “The Bible says Jesus said, ‘The love of money is the root of all evil.’ Well, either he was misquoted or we must reevaluate our opinion of him, because the love of ratings is the root of a lot of evil.”

Hubby, remember, was born in the U.S.A

Patti Scialfa turns 41 today.

And, of course, he didn’t win the Medal of Honor

While giving the new Harrison Ford film “Air Force One” two thumbs up, President Clinton did offer reporters a bit of amateur criticism. “Well, as far as I know, there’s no escape pod,” he said, “and I don’t think we have quite the arsenal on there, and there’s no back door.”

Less than siblings but more than kissing cousins

When Julia Roberts said she felt that “Conspiracy Theory” co-star Mel Gibson was “just like a brother,” he demurred ever so slightly. “I don’t exactly think of Julia as a sister,” he told reporters. “You have to fall in love a little in order to do these scenes.”

That’s enough to make you want to flick your Bic

What embarrassing thing faced Kel Mitchell and Kenan Thompson, the 19-year-old stars of the film “Good Burger”? “A girl asked me to autograph her cleavage,” Thompson said. “The pen wasn’t big enough.”

With friends like her, who needs enemas?

In the book “The Unimaginable Life: Lessons Learned on the Path of Love,” singer Kenny Loggins reveals that he met his love, Julia, when she administered “colon hydrotherapy” to him in 1984. “It was her eyes that most penetrated me,” Loggins wrote.

In this case, L doesn’t stand for liability

Will the real Vanessa Williams please stand up? Would you settle for a name change? The once-defrocked Miss America, star of the Arnold Schwarzenegger film “Eraser,” will now be known as Vanessa L. Williams. That’s so that she won’t be mistaken for the other Vanessa Williams, who is an actress on television’s “Chicago Hope.”

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The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = Compiled by staff writer Dan Webster