The Slice Some Opsies Are Preferable To Others

Sat., June 7, 1997

By Paul Turner srpaulturner@gmail.com

Not so fast there.

On the day Michelle LeBret was scheduled to have a biopsy performed, her daughter called and wished her well with her “autopsy.”

It’s just our opinion: But some of those huge-faces ads painted on the sides of certain STA buses are scary.

Pet peeves: “I am a retired person with absolutely nothing to do but annoy people and have decided that today you are ‘it,’ ” wrote Keith Cotter of Harrison, Idaho.

He shared a list of things that bug him. Here are just a few:

Faucets in public men’s toilets that are designed to deliberately spray water on men’s pants.

Little tiny stickers on apples that old people have to eat because they can’t get them off.

Elvis Presley impersonators.

TV news updates every 10 minutes.

Automated answering systems for businesses that have endless menus and none to suit your problem.

Cutsie little public restroom signs.

Psychic Network commercials.

Towel racks with mounting points that don’t match the standard 16-inch stud spacing.

Scratchy labels on shirt collars.

They want to experience American family life: If you would like to host a Japanese college student for one weekend in July, call 533-8092.

But you have to plan some activities more interesting than going to Costco. And no fair trying to get the visiting student to mow your lawn or wash the car.

This might make you seasick: According to a survey conducted by the Boat Owners Association of the United States, these are the most popular boat names in 1997.

1. Obsession. 2. Osprey. 3. Wind Dancer. 4. Odyssey. 5. Therapy. 6. Serenity. 7. Fantasea. 8. Escape. 9. Wet Dream. 10. Liquid Asset.

We’re confident that a survey restricted to the Inland Northwest would produce a less nauseating list.

What names would we like to see on boats? Well, since you asked…

1. Ship o’ Fools. 2. Das Boot. 3. Live Bait. 4. Edmund Fitzgerald. 5. U.S.S. Caine. 6. Minnow. 7. The Good Bass. 8. Beer Wagon. 9. Ill Wind. 10. The Love Barge.

Warm-up questions: What’s your favorite flower name? How did you spend the night of your high school graduation?

Today’s Slice question: Ever noticed that when people compare Spokane and Seattle, they tend to concentrate on the supposedly best things about Seattle and the least attractive myths about Spokane?

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Drawing

MEMO: The Slice appears Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; fax (509) 459-5098. Hats off to the parents who worked on the all-nighters for graduating seniors.

The Slice appears Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; fax (509) 459-5098. Hats off to the parents who worked on the all-nighters for graduating seniors.

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