Cheap Seats

Take diss

First, Melissa Isaacson offered her Chicago Tribune readers a list of what Chicagoans might not know about Salt Lake City. A sampling:

“State law forbids Dennis Rodman from exhaling within state lines.

“John Stockton is actually Steve Garvey’s long-lost twin.

“What a waste. All that salt and no margaritas.”

In response, Brooke Adams of the Deseret News countered with what Utahans may not know about Chicago: A sampling:

“Dennis Rodman is actually Tina Turner’s long-lost twin.

“Official city slogan: ‘The Windy City: Where gangsters blow you away.’ “What a waste. All that wind, no mountains for hang-gliding.”

Keeper of bathroom passes

Former heavyweight boxing champ Riddick Bowe has applied for a school guard position in Maryland that pays $10.49 an hour.

Bowe’s job would be to help what the district calls an investigator counselor, typically a retired police officer, to maintain order around middle schools and high schools.

Bowe, the 1988 Olympic silver medalist, was interested in being a peer mediation instructor, but the position requires a college degree, which he does not have.

Bowe, who lives near the school, has several nieces and nephews in the district and wanted to work with youngsters.

“We’ve got to treat Mr. Bowe like any other applicant,” said Christopher Cason, a spokesman for Prince George’s (Md.) County schools.

“We’re doing a background check, checking out references.”

Andrew Golota and Bowe’s supervisor during his 10-day Marine career are not on his list.

Brainstorming X-ecutives

The National Audubon Society has sought a temporary restraining order against ESPN’s “X Games,” set to hatch in San Diego June 19-28.

The group frets about effects that the wild-and-crazy kids will have on breeding and nesting habitat for the California least tern (listed as endangered) and the Western snowy plover (listed as threatened).

Said Tom Hoffarth of the Los Angeles Daily News: ESPN’s eco-challenged execs are brainstorming as to how an event can incorporate chasing off birds with a crossbow and bungee cord into some sort of an event.

The ad campaign has already been changed: “You can’t spell ‘extinction’ without an ‘X’!”

Ancient art

It’s been two years since Joe Montana finished out his career in Kansas City, but he has just now left the airport.

A 7-foot by 9-foot photo mural of the former Chiefs quarterback was just removed from Kansas City International Airport by Custom Color Corp., which provides KCI’s photo murals.

It was replaced by a shot of running back Marcus Allen.

And he should be out of the game before the paint dries.

The last word …

“Everyone makes the cheap joke about there’s no Jazz in Utah. When was the last time you saw Bulls grazing in Chicago?”

- Chicago Sun-Times columnist Phil Rosenthal

, DataTimes