If At First You Don’t Succeed…

We all understand the concept of trial and error. Try and try again. If at first you don’t succeed, etc. In fact, Michael Jordan has a Nike commercial crediting his successes to his failures. On the other hand, when it comes to relationships, unless we’re Liz Taylor or Larry King, we expect to get it right the first time.

At least Mandy did. Ted was her brother’s roommate. “He was everything my parents wanted for me.”

(What an interesting way to say, “He wasn’t exactly what I wanted, but, what do I know?”)

They dated for two years, they lived together for six months and then they got married. Ted was smart, hardworking, not a stud muffin, more what you’d call “average.” Nothing wrong with that.

“Sounds like a dream?” asks Mandy. “More like a nightmare. He was totally unromantic, not affectionate, and thought he was better than most people on earth, including me, because he had a college degree.”

Two weeks before the wedding, Mandy tried to talk an old friend who was home on leave to take her away so she wouldn’t have to go through with it.

(This is nature’s way of saying, “Whoa, girl, you just stop right there! You hear me? You’re going to be sorry!”

Unfortunately, Mandy didn’t listen to nature. She thought that buzzing in her head was just prenuptial jitters.

She went through with the wedding. With the wisdom of a 19-year-old, she figured any problems with Ted would disappear. She would change him.

“What did I know?”

For 10 long years, Mandy kept her unhappy marriage a secret from her family and friends. Finally, she had had enough and decided her children would be happier with parents who were apart, than together and constantly fighting. Exit husband number one.

Enter husband number two. He was everything number one was not. He was romantic, charming, attentive. He was also eight years younger than Mandy. Mr. Hard Body. We’ll call him Buff. After two years of dating, they married and Buff moved into Mandy’s house. He suggested they sell it and build a new one. He made a good income although he had no savings. Mandy had savings and she plunked a big chunk of it on the house.

One month after their first anniversary and five months after moving into their expensive new house, Mandy learned Buff was playing house with another woman. When Mandy found out, Buff stopped trying to hide it. He did as he pleased, dumping all the bills on Mandy. They had bought a ton of stuff, a car, a boat, furniture, appliances, toys, all on the payment plan. But the only one paying was Mandy.

“I was only working part time, making minimum wage, because he wanted me to be at home to take care of him and the house. I couldn’t eat for two weeks after I learned he was cheating. He was scum. I started divorce proceedings immediately. I got stuck with a lot of the bills, but I was lucky he didn’t try to take half my house.”

Mandy started a new job and her first day there, she met husband number three. “He had a great sense of humor and was genuinely a nice person. He had nursed his wife until she had died of cancer several years before we met.”

On their first date, she told him all about her past. “I didn’t want him to hear it from anyone else.” It didn’t scare him off. Ten days later, he asked her to marry him. Eight months later, they did.

“I’ve never had a doubt I was doing the right thing. We get along great. We’ve been together two years and we never fight. My life is wonderful. I’d go through all that garbage again to wind up with him.”