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He must live on Planet Reebok

At least Nike can control what Little Penny says.

A story in Forbes magazine reported on the TV commercial for hiking shoes Nike shot in Kenya using Samburu tribesmen. The camera closes in on one tribesman who speaks in native Maa as the Nike slogan “Just Do It” appears on the screen.

Lee Cronk, a University of Cincinnati anthropologist, says the Kenyan is really saying, “I don’t want these. Give me big shoes.”

Said Nike’s Elizabeth Dolan, “We thought nobody in America would know what he said.”

Worse, the Samburu’s royalties are three times what Third World workers who make the shoes earn.

Don’t spend it all at one PX

Former heavyweight champion Riddick Bowe’s early knockout from the U.S. Marine Corps cost U.S. taxpayers more than $5,000.

The $5,000 cost included $132 in back pay given to Bowe when he left the recruit depot at Parris Island, S.C. A corps spokesman said the $132 paycheck includes deductions for personal items such as towels and soap, as well as the mandatory first-night haircut.

Recruits earn $833.40 a month, although they generally don’t receive any of the money until completion of the 12-week training period.

The government spent $4,900 getting Bowe “shipped,” and for physicals, orientation and paperwork. The spokesman said Bowe’s care and feeding cost more than $5,000.

Five grand? His K-rations must have been prepared by Patsy Clark’s.

Mac the knifed

Mac Davis lost control of his team, then lost his job.

The former NHL forward was fired as coach of the Amherst (Nova Scotia) Mooseheads just days after being suspended from the Maritime Junior A Hockey League for his role in a brawl.

Team president Jim Bent said he wanted to fire Davis earlier, but the players stepped in to save him.

“One week I’ve got one of the best reputations of any coach because I’ve got 20 players supporting me,” Davis said. “The next week I’m blamed for everything except burning down all those buildings in Sydney.”

From the home office …

David Letterman compiled the top 10 surprises in this year’s Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue: 10. This year’s theme: “Girls who wouldn’t date you in a million years” 9. All the supermodels were busy, so they hired the office cleaning staff.

8. Stephanie Seymour’s “Urkel” tattoo.

7. Because nobody reads the articles, they just reprinted a 1985 interview with Refrigerator Perry.

6. Flexible new binding makes it much easier to read with one hand.

5. They saved money on travel expenses by shooting the whole thing on Staten Island.

4. “History of the Bikini” includes several photos of J. Edgar Hoover.

3. As part of an advertising deal with Dinty Moore, models had to pose knee-deep in stew.

2. Exotic locations include Venezuela, Monte Carlo and the Oval Office.

1. All the suits are modeled by Richard Simmons.

The last word …

“O.J. will be left one set of golf clubs so he can continue his quest for the real killer.”

- Gary Easley, on the heavy price of civil judgments against O.J. Simpson

, DataTimes