Being Your Own Hero Psychologist Advises Women To Quit Waiting For Someone Else To Swoop In And Save The Day

Think of the popular heroines of American girls’ lives:

Cinderella, Rapunzel, Sleeping Beauty.

Waiting, waiting, waiting.

Languishing in towers, dulled by sleep, held captive by wicked stepmothers. Always passive, always compliant.

These future princesses didn’t fight the dragons, swim the moats, conquer the fortresses. They waited.

“We never saw women as actors at the center of their own lives,” says Kathleen Noble, psychologist and author of “The Sound of the Silver Horn.”

Noble, who speaks Friday at the Celebration of Women ‘97 conference, sponsored by the Community Colleges of Spokane, created a model of psychological development for women based on the heroic quest. She urges women to become the heroes of their own lives, discovering strength, resilience and character in a journey toward the true self.

“We don’t see stories that say, ‘Excuse me, I’m not waiting around. I’m creating a colorful life that works for me, that reflects who I am,’ ” Noble says.

During this telephone interview, Noble speaks from her office on the campus of the University of Washington in Seattle. On this particular morning, she’s bird-sitting for a student. A strawberry-colored lovebird named Kiwi perches on her shoulder while she talks.

Throughout history, Noble says, there have been strong women in every culture. Except for a few - Joan of Arc, Susan B. Anthony, Harriet Tubman - their stories have nearly disappeared.

Even today, the most popular contemporary vision of adult female life shows up in titles like “Women Who Love Too Much,” “Women Who Love Men Who Don’t Love Them” or “Women Who Read Too Much,” Noble says.

“We’re not doing ourselves any favors,” Noble says. “We’re continuing to focus on our flaws. We’re pathologizing ourselves.”

Recently, Noble sat in a class at UW, watching a group of women students apologizing whenever they spoke. They prefaced every remark with “Well, this is probably not very important but …” or “This is just something I thought about …” or “I know this isn’t right but …”

“This is so typical,” Noble found herself thinking. “We’re taught to diffuse ourselves and our power so no one will see us as threatening.”

Instead, Noble encourages women to trust their inner voices.

She has memorized this quote from an ancient Nag Hammadi text: “If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.”

Last weekend Noble saw the film “Hamlet.”

As Polonius delivered that famous line, “To thine own self be true,” she thought, “How often do we see a woman being given that advice?”

Noble studied Joseph Campbell’s work on heroic mythology for years. “Women were largely excluded from the quest motif, except as heroes’ mothers, heroes’ girlfriends, heroes’ daughters,” she says.

She’s rewritten the story. Her version, as always, begins with an awakening.

“An awakening is a gift that can always be refused, but at far greater cost than a woman may suspect, for the more a woman clings to sleep, the more circumscribed and stagnant her life will become,” Noble writes.

She advises women to look at the obstacles in their lives as dragons to be conquered with creative solutions.

For example, if you’re a woman with children and no marketable skills and you’re suddenly facing divorce, you have a choice.

“You can sit around and moan and victimize yourself, or you can truly grieve and begin to reorder your life and make decisions about how you’re going to proceed from there,” Noble says.

As a woman’s quest unfolds, just like in the classic heroic tales, allies often appear, mentors, friends or teachers who provide guidance and encouragement.

Ultimately, the quest will lead to a transformation and a gift - new wisdom, a new career goal, a clearer sense of purpose - to be brought back to the larger community.

“It’s critically important to give back,” Noble says.

To sustain themselves on the heroic journey, Noble says, women need emotional flexibility, a commitment to balance, and, most of all, a sense of humor.

As the telephone interview proceeds, Kiwi the lovebird poops on Noble’s shoulder. The student shows up, swabs off the shoulder, whisks Kiwi away.

Noble, one resilient heroine, just laughs. She’s delighted to be wearing cotton.

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Staff illustration by Molly Quinn

MEMO: This sidebar appeared with the story: NOBLE AT THE LAIR Kathleen Noble will be the keynote speaker at the Celebration of Women ‘97 conference Friday. It begins at 8:30 a.m. in The Lair at Spokane Community College, and also features Rebecca Nappi, The Spokesman-Review’s interactive editor, on “The Family As History.” Cost is $20; call 487-6010 or 533-3757. Noble will also give a reading at Auntie’s Bookstore, Main and Washington, at 7:30 p.m. Thursday.