Cheap Seats

If the ump says ‘out’, it’s out

Not only players and managers need to be wary of umpires’ warnings that they’ll take no guff. Advertisers better be on the lookout, too.

An Ironite Products Co. banner was ejected from Scottdale Stadium because it upset the umpires.

The sign on the outfield wall advertising lawn fertilizer read: “This field is so green, even the umpires can see it.”

Umpires quickly gave the sign the thumb in a complaint to the National League office, and the sign was taken down.

“I have seen bunt and steal signs changed at the ballpark but have never seen a fertilizer sign changed,” said Heinz Brungs, president of Ironite Products Co. “This stinks.”

Guess the grass is always greener on the other side of the issue.

Dressed to lose

Jos. A. Bank Clothiers may have given the thumbs-up to some college coaches, but dapper dressing couldn’t buy the Armani crowd a win in the early rounds of the NCAA Tournament.

Georgia coach Tubby Smith and Duke’s Mike Kryzyzewski did well on the Baltimore-based clothiers rankings. Their teams did not.

Bobby Knight of Indiana and Temple’s John Chaney were two-time losers. Their teams lost in the first round of the tournament while their threads bombed out years ago.

Knight’s sweaters don’t look sharp, and Chaney’s shirttail, by the end of most games, is flapping in the wind, the clothier said.

However, Kentucky’s Rick Pitino topped the list, which also included Roy Williams of Kansas and Lute Olson of Arizona.

Top seeds Kentucky and Kansas, along with Arizona, are still hanging around the tournament bracket.

And only Arizona is hanging around like a cheap suit.

First the putt, now the shot

Could a man be any luckier than John Brinson?

Brinson, who already missed a 10-foot putt worth $1 million in a golf Skins Game in 1995, will have another shot at the big money. This time, with a basketball.

The 46-year-old retired Army warrant officer from Greensboro, N.C., was picked from among 3 million entries to take a 3-point shot during the Final Four weekend.

Sink it, it’s worth $1 million. Miss, and he still wins $50,000, the same amount be won for missing the putt.

The odds of the same person being picked for both contests are 1 trillion-to-1. At least that’s what two statisticians told Gillette, the company that sponsors the shot and the putt.

I am not a Crook booster

Yes, the school in Oregon that got in a heap of trouble over an illegal wrestling weigh-in is named Crook County.

Now, add this to the irony. The school’s nickname is the Cowboys.

And they won’t be changing it to the Saints anytime soon.

The last word …

“I thought he was coming back to be a coach. Either that or to cork our bats.”

- John Franco, about Mets teammate Howard Johnson, who abruptly unretired after a year as a minor-league coach

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Photo