For Children’s Sake, Fight Hard
Dear Ann Landers: After seven years of marriage (we have a beautiful 6-year-old son), my wife has decided she can’t “be her own person” with me. She claims she feels boxed in, has no time for friends and it’s my fault. I have been a faithful, hard-working husband and a good father who did most of the cooking, cleaning, food shopping and paid all the bills.
We went for counseling but she blamed me for all our troubles, including the affair she had with our next-door neighbor. She told the counselor I drove her to it and admitted taking our son to play with Mr. X’s son five or six days a week so she could see Mr. X as much as possible. She also instructed our son not to tell Daddy because he might get mad.
Now that she has broken my heart and torn our family apart, she wants custody of our son. I have spoken to several attorneys who all say I have no chance to win in court. I understand this happens to men all the time. Is there no justice? Will this ever change? - Margate, Fla.
Dear Margate: Some women are going to call me a traitor, but my readers tell me men often get treated unfairly when it comes to custody battles.
The notion children are always better off with their mother isn’t true. Some fathers are much more responsible and caring (you sound like one), and the children would fare better with their dad.
Many fathers have written to say the child support money is not being spent on the child - witness torn shoes and worn-out jackets and jeans. To the men out there who are not being treated fairly, I say don’t give up. Keep fighting, for the sake of your children. And get a lawyer who has a record of success in such cases.
Dear Ann Landers: Will you please tell people to stop asking women if they are pregnant. I was asked that question recently and replied, “My baby is now 4 years old. I am just fat.”
I own a small maternity shop and have a legitimate reason for asking that question when a customer wants to be shown some clothes. (The woman might be shopping for her sister.) Wishing to take no chances, I always ask, “Is someone in your family having a baby?”
If the woman tells me she is pregnant, I say, “You certainly are hiding it well.” Of course, she is pleased. I never assume a customer is pregnant unless she is so far along she may be in danger of having the baby in the shop.
Most pregnant women are happy to share their joy, but to those who only look pregnant, the question is a real downer. Spare us, please. - Peoria
Dear Peoria: Thanks on behalf of all the women you have spared.
Dear Ann Landers: As immediate past president of the New York State Society of Anesthesiologists, I ask that you alert parents and those who care for small children about the dangers of choking. Thousands of children each year come close to death from inhaling foreign bodies. Holidays are particularly dangerous. Children have easy access to nuts (peanuts are the most difficult to remove), hard candies, soft foods such as hot dogs and sausages, and toys with small parts - all capable of causing choking. The mix of parties, gifts, excitement and distracted parents can be deadly. Here is an excellent test - any object that can pass through the tube from a roll of toilet paper is too small to give to children under 3 years of age without supervision. - Alexander W. Gotta, M.D., New York
Dear Dr. Gotta: You told them well. Thank you.