Clothing Choices Can Help Children Establish Identity

Where clothing is concerned, many parents and their children have trouble seeing eye to eye.

Have you ever made a suggestion about what your little darling should wear only to be told your idea was the equivalent of suggesting she wear her footed pajamas into the school lunchroom?

In other words, your comments regarding clothing are not welcome.

“Most parents assume that kids are stubborn or just plain spoiled when there are fights about clothes,” says Marilies Flusser, author of “Party Shoes to School and Baseball Caps to Bed.”

“Parenting would be much more enjoyable if parents realize that these conflicts usually mean that a child is just doing what comes naturally,” Flusser said.

It is important for adults to understand that clothing helps children discover who they are and how they fit into the larger picture.

When your 2-year-old insists on picking out his own outfit, he is learning to make decisions. He is also making a statement about who he is and how he wants to be treated.

Sometimes a child will fixate on a particular outfit or individual item that they insist on wearing repeatedly. This behavior is often a security measure for the child. It’s like wearing their blankies. They feel safer and more confident when they have this particular item with them.

A toddler we know insisted on wearing red-and-white striped tights, a red cape, cowboy boots and a cowboy hat practically every day for five months.

Another little boy chose to wear a clip-on red-and-blue plaid tie at all times for close to a year.

The outfits may sound silly to adults but they gave these children a sense of security and helped them cope with the outside world.

Sometimes a parent must insist a child dress more appropriately.

In these cases it is a good idea to present the child with a choice between two outfits you have selected. Let them make the decision within your boundaries.

Clothing color can also cause conflict between a child and her parents. Children do not have the same biases about matching colors and prints as do adults.

They tend to be more carefree in their selections. Let them experiment. Who knows, you might discover that mixing a plaid with a print isn’t as awful as your mother told you.

By the way, the toddler in tights is now almost a teenager and, much to his parents’ relief, prefers to wear jeans and sweatshirts.

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