Chivalry Didn’t Die, It Changed
It’s the ‘90s, right? Women can put on their own coats, open their own doors, pay their own checks. But should they? Here’s what a few guys think about paying the check…
Adam: “I am 25 and when I take a woman out on a date, I have no problem paying. I feel lucky enough to be out with a woman that buying her dinner or whatever is part of my way of saying thank-you. In no way am I looking for any sexual returns. That is not me.
“I enjoy being out with a beautiful woman and that alone makes me feel special. I am also lucky to have a good-paying, secure job, which allows me to take a young lady on a date and spend my money on her.
“I also believe in being romantic by buying women flowers for no special reason. I believe in holding doors open, helping them with their jackets and complimenting them on the way they look. Chivalry is not dead.”
Howard: “I am 26 and I consider myself a gentleman, in the true sense of the word. I hold doors open for men or women who look like they can’t do it for themselves. I help men and women out of cars, if they’re having trouble. I’ll pick up a check for a buddy, if I know he’s having a hard time. I, however, refuse to pay more than half of a check when I’m out on a date with a working woman who makes as much as I do. If the dating turns into a relationship, she would want it to be an equal one where we share our feelings and thoughts. We would share in decisions - where to live, how many children to have, what kind of car to buy, where to go on vacation, how much to spend, how much to save. Why shouldn’t this sharing be part of the relationship right from the start? It’s very artificial to start it half way through. I guess I don’t have to impress anyone with how much money I’ve got. I’ve got other things going for me.”
Keith: “I’m 22 and I still pay for dates. I can’t imagine doing it any other way. When I was in high school, there was very little casual dating, but on those rare occasions when I did go on dates, I paid. I paid for homecoming and prom dates. It just seemed like the right thing to do. In college, things became more complicated. Many women would argue with me over the check. I think some of it had to do with being modern women. ‘I am woman hear me roar!’ Quite frankly, it turns me off. I like to consider myself a sensitive, New Age male, but I just don’t get that. If I pick up a check or pay for the movie, does that set women’s rights back 100 years? I doubt it.
“Several months ago, my college girlfriend and I split up. For the first time in two years, I’m dating. This time it is in the real world. I feared it might be worse than college (I’ve seen too many episodes of “The Single Guy.”). I recently went on my first blind date. The woman was a bit older than me and very successful. I was afraid she might have a problem with me picking up the check. You can imagine how thrilled I was when I paid and she just smiled and thanked me. While she was already a terrific woman in my mind, the experience with the check only made me more sure of it.
“Maybe I’m old-fashioned - I do love Frank Sinatra - but I was raised to believe that a man should always treat a lady with the utmost respect and kindness. I have never forgotten that. Paying for the date is a great way to do that. Sure, there are some men and women who believe that paying places the woman under some obligation to the man. As far as I’m concerned, there is only one thing I want after paying for a date, even if it is a miserable failure, and that is a thank-you. Nothing more. But then I’m just a hopeless romantic.”
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