Even With A Ring He’s A Poor Risk

Tue., May 6, 1997

Ann Landers Creators Syndicate

Dear Ann Landers: I have been dating “Kevin” for five years. I am 36, divorced with two teenagers. He is 45, divorced with no kids.

I recently found out that Kevin has been dating someone else for the last four years. The other woman learned about me, was stunned and decided to give me a call. Kevin travels a lot for his job, which made it convenient for him to lie to both of us.

When I confronted him, he admitted everything and said he wanted to marry me. Three days later, he bought me a lovely engagement ring. Within a few weeks, I learned that he was still seeing the other woman. When I demanded an explanation, he became very emotional and swore he would never see her again.

I truly love Kevin and want to spend the rest of my life with him, but I’m worried. Can he really change and be honest with me? Am I being stupid and gullible? Should I call it a day before I have any more heartbreak? Please help me figure this out, Ann. - At the Crossroads in Des Moines

Dear Des Moines: Kevin is a poor risk, in my opinion. I suggest that you return the ring and date others. The “jolt” just might make him shape up, but I wouldn’t bet the rent. My guess is that if he can’t be faithful to you after giving you an engagement ring, the same will hold true for the wedding band.

Dear Ann Landers: You said you wanted to hear from nurses who married their patients. I am a registered nurse I did NOT marry a patient, but I have a problem that is akin to what you were referring to.

I met my husband at a social event. We have been married for 22 years and are very happy. So what is my complaint? It is our friends, neighbors and fellow church members who expect me to give them free medical advice for every imaginable ailment. I have also been asked to time their labor pains over the phone (so they won’t have to bother their doctor), give their cat allergy shots and advise them on birth control.

I have an R.N. friend who screens her calls to weed out people who would like to take advantage of her medical knowledge. Another R.N. friend is considering sending bills to every relative who expects her to be on call 24 hours a day.

We would not mind if these people would reciprocate. They don’t. It would be nice if someone brought over a casserole or a pot of soup when a caregiver is sick. They never do. Maybe a word in your column will remind them that we are human, too. - Burned Up But Not Burned Out

Dear Burned Up: You have just described the downside of being thought of as “indestructible.” I hope your letter will help people see caregivers through different eyes. While nurses are, by tradition, hand-holders, on occasion, they need someone to hold their hands.

Dear Ann Landers: I would like to bring to the attention of your readers a frequent comment that depresses people, even though it may be said with the best of intentions. It is “You look tired.”

If indeed the person is tired, the last thing he or she wants to hear is that it shows. Such a comment is never appreciated. Take my word for it.

I realize most people who say, “You look tired,” are trying to express concern, but it only makes a person feel worse. So, please, if your friend does indeed look tired, do him or her a favor and don’t mention it. - Well Rested in New York

Dear New York: You’ve written a letter that will spare many people from a downer. On behalf of all of them, I thank you.

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