Times, People Have Changed

Dear Ann Landers: You recently printed a sweet “how-we-met” story. The woman said at the end of World War II, she sat behind a soldier in church. He knew all the lyrics to the songs so she figured he couldn’t be all bad. Later, she learned he was a doctor. Three months later, she slipped on an icy walk and injured her arm. That same doctor insisted she stay in the infirmary, and he visited her twice a day. When she was discharged, he asked her to the movies to celebrate. They subsequently married in the same chapel where they had met.

Here’s how that same story would go if it happened in 1997:

“Dear Ann: Last week, I attended church services and noticed that the soldier sitting behind me knew all the words to every song. I figured anyone who knew those lyrics was probably a member of the religious right.

“I bumped into him a month later. After cussing him out and telling him to watch where he was going, I learned he was a doctor. Three months later, I slipped on an icy walk and injured my arm.

After suing the property owner for all I could get, this same doctor treated me and insisted that I stay in the infirmary. He then made twice-daily visits to see how I was doing, which made me suspicious. I complained to his supervisor and filed a sexual harassment suit.

“I was discharged in January, and the doctor asked if I would like to see a movie to celebrate. I told the police he was a stalker and applied for a restraining order. When the doctor asked me to marry him in the same chapel where we first met, I called the FBI. They searched his apartment to make sure there were no shrines built to me and no bodies hidden under the floorboards.

“I married the guy anyway, because after all, doctors earn six-figure incomes.” - Tuned in and Turned on in La Jolla, Calif.

Dear Tuned and Turned: If you aren’t a professional writer, you ought to consider it. Your updated version cracked me up.

Dear Ann Landers: I have been a Lutheran pastor for almost 37 years. Marriage counseling has been a large part of my work. You wondered why so many World War II marriages between people who didn’t know each other very well lasted so long. I think it’s because 50 years ago, we had lower expectations of what a marriage was supposed to do for us.

Back then, if a man had a job, came home from work with his paycheck, didn’t drink too much, helped with the kids, took his wife shopping once a week, went to church and took a bath on Saturday night whether he needed it or not, she didn’t expect much more and the marriage worked.

By the same token, if she would stay home, cook, do the laundry, take care of the house and the kids, be nice to his parents, live within a budget and have sex with him regularly, she was a good wife.

Today, a spouse is expected to be a soul mate, a best friend, a golf partner and a psychiatrist, and hold down a full-time job. She must look like Cindy Crawford, and he should look like Tom Cruise.

With such unrealistic expectations, the pressures are bound to increase, and the disappointment level accelerates. It should come as no surprise that after three months of marriage, couples are writing to you and asking if they should send back the wedding gifts. - A Voice From the Heartland in Iowa

Dear Voice: You underestimate the young people of today. True, some have unrealistic expectations of marriage, but by and large, I find them pretty level-headed. Today, a successful marriage is a partnership, and I see that as an improvement.