Cheap Seats

Fie on futons

The Russian are boycotting Japanese hotel rooms during next year’s Winter Olympic Games in Nagano, according to London’s Daily Telegraph.

“The Japanese hotels won’t do,” said Viktor Mamatov, who is in charge of Russian preparations. “I woke up in pain after one night on the floor mattress and I could sleep only when I piled up six mattresses together.”

Instead, the Russians will stay aboard a Russian liner docked 40 miles away.

He’d settle for an egging

A car dealer who loaned Albert Belle the truck that got him into trouble on Halloween says the White Sox slugger has had more bad car karma.

Jim Marsh says a Ford Explorer he later sold Belle ended up back at his dealership last month - after being stripped April 12 in Detroit during a three-game series between the White Sox and Tigers.

“They stripped the steering column, took the airbags, took all the wheels and tires, the CD player,” Marsh said. “I have it in the backyard.”

Marsh’s dealings with Belle also are at issue in the civil lawsuit in which a teen-ager accuses Belle of running into him with a truck on October 31, 1995. A lawyer representing the teen-ager is trying to add the dealership as a defendant in the lawsuit.

Marsh said he gave Belle use of a Ford Explorer every year from 1994-96 in exchange for two public appearances a year.

The lawsuit alleges that Belle ran into the youth with an Explorer after Halloween pranksters egged the player’s home. The teen and three other youths were found delinquent and ordered to perform community service. Belle was convicted of reckless operation of a motor vehicle and fined $100.

Belle’s lawyer, Jose Feliciano, said adding the dealership as a defendant was going beyond the scope of the lawsuit.

Wait a second. Jose Feliciano? This isn’t a joke about blind justice, is it?

For good measure, a little em-Belle-ishment

Seen in Wayne Gretzky’s locker at the New York Rangers’ practice facility: an autographed baseball bat with these words: “To Wayne - give me a call if you need help with the Bad Boy image!” The signature beneath? Albert Belle.

A burned-out Light

Colorado Rockies third base prospect Tal Light made two throwing errors in the first four innings for Class AA New Haven against the New Britain Rock Cats - then was demoted before the game was over.

That is, the game was suspended because of rain and by the time it resumed the next day, Light had been shipped to a Class A team after making 16 errors in 26 games.

For overrated cornerbacks, press 1

Deion Sanders’ baseball contract allows him to leave the Reds and join the Dallas Cowboys as soon as Cincinnati is eliminated from playoff contention.

Cowboys defensive back coach Mike Zimmer left a message on Sanders’ answering machine: “We might have you for the mini-camp.”

The last word …

“In the 1997 NBA draft, there is Tim Duncan and ‘not exactly.’ ” - Boston Globe columnist Dan Shaughnessy

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Photo