Actions Nothing To Do With You

Dear Ann Landers: Last week, our only son, age 53, announced that he no longer wants a relationship with his father and me. He said we are old and depressing and we remind him too much of his own mortality. He also informed us that, for as long as he can remember, he has hated being around us and it is an obligation he no longer wishes to fulfill.

As you can imagine, we were shocked and deeply hurt. We are still trying to recover from this stinging rejection. My husband and I are in our early 70s. We don’t smoke or drink. We attend church regularly, and as far as we can determine, we are well regarded by family and friends. We have never embarrassed him or anyone else that we know of.

It is true that we are serious and somewhat conservative, and we do worry about the economy, but no more than others in our age group. I believe we represent the time and era in which we were born and grew up. We make it a point to refrain from criticizing our son, and we applaud his achievements. We have never told him how to live his life, and we always have been supportive of him and his goals. He has been divorced and has no family other than us. His announcement was very hurtful. It came as a tremendous shock, and he refuses to discuss it any further.

Is this the new age that we have been reading about? What do you think is going on here, besides long-submerged anger? We would appreciate your opinion. - Dumbfounded in Santa Maria, Calif.

Dear Dumbfounded: I believe your son’s sudden explosion is the result of his feelings of inadequacy and disappointment in the way his life is going. It has nothing to do with you. He really needs to get the anger out of his system, and the sooner the better.

If he doesn’t wish to communicate with you, mail him this column and tell him the letter is yours and that your door is always open. (“How sharper than a serpent’s tooth it is to have a thankless child.”)

Dear Ann Landers: My heart goes out to “Her Daughter in Minneapolis,” whose elderly mother, hopeful of winning a sweepstakes, subscribed to a large number of magazines in which she had no interest.

When my dear father died last February, I had to deal not only with my grief but with the chore of canceling dozens of magazines he had ordered through “clearinghouses” that led him to believe he was a winner. Worse, as I contacted these clearinghouses to cancel and obtain refunds for the unused portions of the subscriptions, I encountered inordinate resistance and outright hostility. Many argued with me and required me to send copies of my father’s death certificate and proof that I had power of attorney.

Please tell your readers to order magazines through the people who publish them. Warn the public not to be taken in by celebrities who tell them they may be winners. People who lend their names to give credibility to these clearinghouse scams should be embarrassed and ashamed. - M.S.P., Chicago

Dear Chicago: I have printed warnings about these slick operators in this space before but am happy to do so again. The individuals who get suckered into these scams are, unfortunately, the ones who can least afford it. How sad.

Gem of the Day (Credit M.C.R., a 42-year-old reader in Arlington Heights, Ill.): A person’s intelligence can be accurately assessed by the number of times he presses the same elevator button.