And Where I Come From, I Am Revered As A Deity

This probably comes too late to help any of The Slice’s younger readers today.

But here are three statements parents seldom believe when you’re pretending to be sick in an attempt to stay home from school. (Better to stick with a simple “stomachache.”)

1. “Weren’t you here when the governor called? I’ve been granted a full pardon.”

2. “Stay back. I think I’ve got a touch of the Ebola virus.”

3. “The Earth child you knew as Brandon has been transported to a galaxy far away. He is in no danger. I am Kal-kan and I have assumed his likeness. It is my mission to experience life as a human. But I have no need for the third grade.”

Bra-shopping stories: When Kari Amity was about 10, she went to a big sale at the Crescent in downtown Spokane with her grandmother. “The store was packed with people and all the dressing rooms were full,” she recalled.

Her grandmother decided that the crowd wasn’t going to stop her from shopping for something she needed. So, much to the little girl’s horror, she started trying on bras - over her clothes - right there in the middle of the store.

“It devastated me,” said Amity.

She had no monopoly on being embarrassed by adults, however.

When Sondra Woods was 11, her mother decided it was time that the growing girl got a brassiere. But she declined to accompany her mom on the designated shopping trip in the small Texas town where they lived.

So when her mom got to the store, she made Sondra’s unsuspecting 12-year-old brother stand still for a bra-fitting session that required a degree of imagination.

Her brother was angry about it for a while. But the purchased garment fit Sondra perfectly.

OK, one more today.

Years ago, Becky Grigsby was shopping with her then 5-year-old daughter.

Grigsby held up a racy red bra and jokingly asked her daughter if she thought her daddy would like it.

“Yes,” said the little girl. “But I bet he won’t wear it.”

As opposed to just running out of the room: Dick McInerney knows that kids know how to turn on a TV. But he wonders if any know how to turn one off.

Colfax’s Louise Braun wonders: Does anyone remember David’s department store in Moscow, Williamson’s in Palouse, the Potlatch Mercantile in Potlatch?

Today’s Slice question: What’s the biggest lie you heard at a high school reunion this summer?

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Drawing

MEMO: The Slice appears Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; fax (509) 459-5098. Thanks for being a terrific teacher, Mrs. Tanamachi, wherever you are.