Lentil Field Is Where Dreams Grow

It’s August 2000 the first college football Saturday at Lentil Field, the new 55,000-seat stadium on Old Moscow Road built and used cooperatively by the Cougars and Vandals, and where the Washington-Idaho border serves as the 50-yard line.

Idaho athletic director Oval Jaynes: “Dickson! What are you doing here? We’re using the stadium today!”

Washington State A.D. Rick Dickson: “No way, Jose. ABC gave us $500,000 to move the Apple Cup and the Huskies jumped at the chance not to play in the snow. This way we don’t conflict with your Boise State game and I figured for 50 grand, I could still hire somebody to seed the clouds.”

Jaynes: “You see any clouds up there to seed?”

Dickson: “You may have a point.”

Jaynes: “What I’ve got is Boise State coming in for a game today.”

Dickson: “Today?”

Jaynes: “Well, they wanted to move it and they promised to put in a good word for us when they’re accepted into the WAC.”

Dickson: “Oval, I have some swampland along Paradise Creek you may be interested in.”

Jaynes: “For the love of Pete Liske, I don’t know how I got into this.”

Idaho president Robert Hoover: “It looks as if we’re going to have a great crowd, Oval. Look at all the dust being stirred up. The traffic must be backed up for miles.”

Jaynes: “If it is, it’s backed up behind a combine. It’s harvest, Bob.”

Hoover: “Is that anything like homecoming?”

Dickson: “Sort of. Only harvest draws a bigger crowd.”

WSU president Sam Smith: “Rick, explain to me again why our two schools need a 55,000-seat stadium out here in the middle of nowhere when our average attendance is 30,000 and Idaho’s is 11,000.”

Dickson: “Did you ever see ‘Field of Dreams,’ Sam?”

Smith: “See it? I wrote it. It was my doctoral thesis in plant pathology.”

Dickson: “Well, think of it this way: If we build it, they will come.”

Smith: “The alums in Spokane?”

Dickson: “Actually, I was thinking of Nebraska.”

Smith: “The Cornhuskers are coming to Lentil Field? To play us?”

Dickson: “Well, no. They’re playing Idaho.”

Hoover: “Really, Oval?”

Jaynes: “They told me Akron had a previous commitment.”

Hoover: “Hey, I think the place looks great. But what are those handles on the seats in the Idaho half of the stadium?”

Jaynes: “Well, the legislature wasn’t going to fund a new stadium for us, so we had to find the money elsewhere.”

Hoover: “And?”

Jaynes: “The folks at Coeur d’Alene Tribal Bingo Casino were happy to front us, if we let them wire the seats for slot machines.”

Hoover: “At what percent interest?”

Jaynes: “Let’s just say it’d be a lot lower if we’d change our nickname to One-Armed Bandits.”

Smith: “Tell me we don’t have a casino for a corporate sponsor, Rick.”

Dickson: “Nope. Paul Allen popped for our share. After sticking the state for $327 million of his new stadium, he had plenty left over for his alma mater.”

Smith: “No strings?”

Dickson: “Just one. We have to take Dennis Erickson back.”

Smith: “I’ll let you break it to Coach Price. I’m a little concerned, though. This place is awfully far from campus.”

Dickson: “Don’t worry. We left a trail of passed-out students on our way out here. The reflection off their empty beer bottles will guide us back in the dark.”

Jaynes (hearing shouts in the press box): “What’s all the ruckus?”

Dickson: “It’s just Bob Curtis and Bob Robertson arguing over who gets to use the headset first.”

Curtis: “Gimme the mike, Bob. I’ve got seniority. I’ve been doing these games for 39 years!”

Robertson: “Dammit, Bob! Be a good sport, all ways!”

Paul Sorensen: “Would you two hurry up and settle this? My kids are waiting in the car.”

Hoover: “So, Oval, I guess this gets us over the last hurdle with the NCAA. We’re Division I-A now.”

Jaynes: “Uh, not exactly. They ruled that since we’re sharing the stadium, only half of the 55,000 seats are ours. So we’re still 2,500 short of the 30,000 minimum. Maybe you should try schmoozing President Smith - he’s got some clout with the NCAA, you know.

Hoover: “Sam …”

Smith: “Did you know I can tell how the season is going to go by the way the team runs out of the tunnel for its first game?”

Dickson: “That was game management on the walkie-talkie. All four teams and the bands tried to run through the tunnel at the same time and now they’re wedged in. It might be days before they’re untangled.”

Hoover: “Well, at least everything will be straightened out for next week’s game.”

Jaynes: “Great. We’re both on the road.”

, DataTimes The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = John Blanchette The Spokesman-Review