Many Men Deal With Contraceptives

Dear Ann Landers: I have read and enjoyed your column for probably 30 of my 40 years, although I may not always agree with what you have to say. However, a recent response of yours sent me over the moon.

“C. in K.C.” said her husband didn’t want to get a vasectomy even though they both had agreed not to have any more children. He told her if she should die or the marriage should fail, he might want to remarry and have more children. She figured he intended to dump her as soon as she reached menopause. You told her she had gone off the deep end with her assumptions and needed to get help.

She isn’t the problem, Ann. Her husband just doesn’t want to have a vasectomy. It might cause him some inconvenience or, heaven forbid, pain. A vasectomy is far simpler and carries less risk than a tubal ligation, but if the male refuses, who continues to carry the responsibility for birth control? The woman, of course. And who has the ultimate responsibility if she gets pregnant? Again, the woman.

Ninety-nine percent of all birth-control methods put the responsibility on the female. Why would a man want to take responsibility for his reproductive life? Society has never asked him to, and if attitudes like yours prevail, society never will. - Angry in Rockford, Ill.

Dear Rockford: You say society has never asked the male to take responsibility for his reproductive life. Who, exactly, is “society”? This is the most personal of issues between the two people involved.

You may be right that many men are reluctant to have a vasectomy, but men can and do take responsibility for birth control. The condom, though not 100 percent foolproof, may be the most frequently used method to prevent pregnancy. Any male who refuses to use a condom because it cuts down on his pleasure is selfish and inconsiderate.

Dear Ann Landers: I would like to ask you to recognize an extraordinary group of people who are truly saving our younger generation, one child at a time. I am talking about the incredible success story of the Foster Grandparent Program.

What began in 1965 as a program to bring seniors and children together has evolved into a national strategy for dealing with the growing number of young people whose parents are unable to give them love, instill confidence or teach them skills to determine right from wrong. Today, we hear of 12-year-olds killing other kids, bringing guns to school, having babies, selling drugs. For thousands of high-risk kids, Foster Grandparents serve as their only lifeline.

One youngster wrote: “I love having a foster grandmother. She treats me with love and does nice things for me. She has helped me with my bad attitude and tells me I should be a role model for the younger children in my family. She has taught me to respect all adults.”

The Foster Grandparent Program currently has 24,000 foster grandparents who are serving 80,000 children and teenagers. The program is open to men and women, age 60 and older, who meet income requirements and serve 20 hours a week.

Please tell anyone interested to call 1-800-424-8867 for information. Thank you, Ann. - Harris Wofford, CEO, Corporation for National Service, Washington, D.C.

Dear Harris Wofford: Thank you for letting my readers know about this excellent program - and on National Grandparents Day, too. It is sure to fill the empty places in the hearts of both the young and the seniors. I hope that 800 number is jammed. If it’s busy, folks, keep trying until you get through.