Duty And Privilege Span Generations

Maybe in the old days it was easier, but then, maybe not. Caring for an aging parent probably was never a simple task, even in the days long ago when older folks aged, sickened and died surrounded by family.

The old days are gone. Now, many older parents are separated by thousands of miles from the grown children who might have cared for them had society not changed. Most of the daughters, traditional caregivers of the elderly, are now in the work force and unavailable as well.

This is the reality of our times. And many older people must feel shortchanged. They played by the old rules. You care for your children when they are young and when you are old, they return the kindness. Many of these older people certainly cared for their own parents in the home, offering it up to God, hoping some day their own children would come through in a similar way.

Some grown children do. But many do not, cannot or will not. And so, in this vacuum, other alternatives have arrived. There is a revolution in elder care happening in the Inland Northwest and throughout the country. It is a quiet revolution and you might not know about it unless your parent is older and in need of care.

It is called assisted living. It means that your parent can live fairly independently in apartments or rooms and get assistance with daily tasks such as bathing, meal preparation, medications and social activities.

Sunday’s IN Life section was devoted to the phenomenon of assisted living. Some facts presented in the stories might surprise you. More than two dozen assisted living facilities now compete for older people in the Inland Northwest. According to a recent survey, 609 new assisted living apartments have been completed in Spokane during the past five years. Assisted living facilities are big business; nationwide, the industry is worth more than $13 billion. No doubt the industry will continue to grow as our population ages.

The quality and the cost of assisted living facilities vary greatly. And so, as with all things in life, the buyer must beware.

Older adults and their grown children looking into assisted living facilities should do their research. Many resources exist to help with that research, including books, magazines, Internet sites and community agencies whose mission is to help the elderly.

Visit the facility and ask dozens of questions. Trust your gut instinct about a place. Talk to the residents without staff around. Most will be honest.

Research whether the facility is a solid business. Will it be owned by the same owners for a while? Change is traumatic at any age, but for a frail older person it can be deadly. When an institution folds, so can the soul of the person living there.

Grown children must always remember that a family is still the primary emotional caregiver of its loved ones. No matter how caring and professional the staff, that is what they are in the end - paid staff. They do not have the shared history or memories with the older person. So it is important to call, visit and write.

It is said that the last gift our parents give us is this: They teach us how to die. Don’t miss out on this final gift of life.

, DataTimes The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = Rebecca Nappi/For the editorial board