Build A Fence Higher Than Tree

Dear Ann Landers: My husband and I recently bought a house we love. One of the main selling points was a spacious, secluded back yard with a high fence. The previous owner pointed out that it would afford us the opportunity to sunbathe in the nude. While my husband and I don’t do much sunbathing, we do enjoy skinny-dipping and relaxing unclothed in the hot tub. Occasionally, we nap nude in the shaded hammock on a Sunday afternoon.

Our problem is a neighbor boy who climbs a tree at the far end of his yard and peers at us with binoculars. We have asked his parents nicely to see that their son stops this spying, but they said that they can’t possibly watch him 24 hours a day and that if we are uncomfortable about the boy seeing us naked, we should put some clothes on.

We feel that it is our right to be naked in our own back yard if we want to. It is not our intent to be exhibitionists, Ann, and we do not appreciate these prying eyes. I think this boy needs some discipline and these neighbors are being extremely uncooperative. Please tell us what can be done about this. - Sticky Situation in Santa Clarita, Calif.

Dear Santa Clarita: The boy is not violating any law so there is no way you can stop him from training his binoculars on you. Eventually, the novelty of being a peeping Tom should wear off. In the meantime, your only recourse is to build a fence that is higher than the tree.

Dear Ann Landers: Recently, you published a couple of letters about the way some single fathers treat their daughters. One of your correspondents complained that the man she was dating “roughhoused” with his young daughter in a provocative way. Another said when she was a young child, her father used to crawl into bed with her at night, just to snuggle. Apparently, the women who wrote were not happy with the men’s parenting skills. You were absolutely right to say, “It is the father’s responsibility to set the boundaries.”

I became a single father through divorce when “Laura” was 18 months old. She is now 24. I didn’t remarry until she was 16. I often felt inadequate, but Laura assured me that I did just fine. She used to give me cards on both Father’s Day and Mother’s Day.

I set boundaries. When I got Laura ready for bed, I would lie beside her and read to her for 15 minutes every night. The only time I let Laura get into bed with me was when she was upset about something or when she was ill. When she fell asleep, I would carry her to her own bed.

When Laura was 6, we had a nightly routine - a kiss, a hug and “I love you.” One night, Laura put her hand on the back of my neck and gave me a long kiss. I thought, “What’s going on?” The next night, when she did it again, I told her, “Laura, you kissed me like a man and a woman kiss. You are not a woman, and I am your father. Don’t ever try to kiss me like that again.” She never did.

I set another boundary I thought was important. When I was newly divorced, I told my family and friends that not one word of criticism would be spoken about Laura’s mother in Laura’s presence. They all respected my wishes.

I am proud of the way I raised my daughter. If you think my letter will help other single fathers, please feel free to print it. Do not print my name, please, just - A Minnesota Dad

Dear Minnesota: Laura was lucky to have had a dad like you. And it sounds like she knows it.

Gem of the Day: It may be lonely at the top, but you meet more interesting people up there, and you eat better, too.