It Could Work If It’s Truly Love

Dear Ann Landers: Three years ago, I began a relationship with a co-worker who is 17 years younger than I am. “Bill” and I were very discreet and kept our feelings to ourselves for several months. Our friends began to notice the electricity between us, and before long, everyone knew we were “an item.”

I am a young-looking 42-year-old divorcee with a teenage son. My sweetheart, Bill, is 25. We fell in love - a genuine sharing, selfless love - and we are best friends. He is a wonderful person and wise beyond his years. My son thinks he is just terrific, and the two of them get along very well.

Here is the problem: Out of the clear blue sky one evening, he said, “I love you so much, and I will always love you, but you can’t give me what I want more than anything in the world - children of my own.”

Ann, I am devastated. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. All I do is cry. My doctor gave me antidepressants and sleeping pills, but I’m still a wreck. After avoiding the subject for nearly a week, Bill and I finally talked. He doesn’t want to lose me, but the age difference worries him. His family and mine think it will never work, but the people in the office who know us well say we are a perfect couple and belong together.

Has anyone in your reading audience had a successful marriage when the woman is so much older than the man? How important are those 17 years? Can we make it, Ann? Ask your readers. - Harrisburg, Pa.

Dear Pa.: A 42-year-old woman who is in good health and has had a child could have another one. Stop polling friends and look into your own hearts. If you truly love one another and if Bill isn’t using this as an excuse, it could work.

Dear Ann Landers: I’m worried about my mother. She is 67 and in great health, and her mind is sharp as a tack, but her behavior has been peculiar lately. I caught her going through my purse for the third time. She waits until I am in the bathroom or in the garden to do this. When we are in the car and I leave my purse to run an errand, she does her snooping. I have not mentioned it to her. I can’t. She would be too upset.

My daughter, age 12, now tells me she caught Grandma going through my dresser drawers. She said she was “putting things away” for me. When my mother visits, if there is mail on my desk, she looks at it in front of me. Once, I asked, “What are you looking for?” She replied, “I want to see if you get as much junk as I do.”

I shared my concern with a very close friend. To my surprise, she said she is having the same problem with her 70-year-old mom. Is this a disease of the elderly? I don’t get it. Recently, my mother told me that when she visited a friend’s house, she looked in her medicine cabinets to see what was in there. Then, she checked the fridge. She also said she looked in the windows of the man next door because she wanted to see what kind of furniture he has.

At first, I thought this was just curiosity. Now, I’m beginning to wonder if it’s senility. I’m becoming uneasy about having my mother in my home, and this makes me feel terribly guilty. Please help me understand, and tell me what to do. - Springfield, Mass.

Dear Springfield: These days, 67 is not “elderly.” From what you have written, I believe your mother may be slipping a stitch here and there, but the problem is probably boredom. You could help a lot by finding something to occupy her time. Sounds as if she needs a hobby or maybe volunteer work. Get moving.